Tuesday, August 21, 2012


I know the only thing that should be on my mind now is my final exam paper, which is on Wednesday but my mind can't help straying. I've been thinking a lot about my bleak future recently. Though I am not much of a planner, I honestly wish I vaguely know or have decided on what I am gonna do. So I could at least, feel secure and safe like, "Yes, I know what I want" and I can work towards it. Having a direction right now at the age of 20, will save a lot of headache for sure.

But since I have absolutely NO IDEA, I found this statement comforts me quite well in this near-miserable state, "Oh, I don't like to plan." or "I take whatever that comes along the way" or "I will only decide when I have to."

Honestly, it's the fear but I can't get pass it. Or rather, myself. Just because I don't know what I want, I conveniently seek comfort in that lie that I am more of a day-by-day kind of person so I don't have to deal with all the decisions. But obviously sweeping them under the rug won't help either. Thoughts haunt you daily.

Tell me. Should we just be safe and practical or should we be different and take risks?

I don't know if I should continue modeling. Honestly, in Singapore it is quite important... wait no, it is with no doubt, important and preferably a MUST to get degree today. And the process of getting a degree is not fast, it takes about 4 years.

Most people in Singapore are known for their realistic mindset and how they are so driven to be excellence in the their respective fields. So, modeling seems or rather sounds impossible to many. Sometimes, I genuinely feel ashamed to tell people verbally that I model. Occupation: Student.

Unless asked, I would then mention about it. Not because it is not a decent job, but think about it, if I were to tell you, "Yeah I model", you being nice and not wanting to ruin this relationship we just have, would kindly pretend to be engaged and supportive and say, "Wow, that sounds fun!" etc etc etc. However, deep down in that heart of yours, you'd be like "seriously girl, seriously?"

Am I right? You'd think I'm naive. I haven't seen the world. How can I sustain my rice bowl etc. How can I waste my time like this. How am gonna earn a living in Singapore in future. Everyone is racing against time, trying to get a degree within the shortest time and venture into the harsh and cruel industries and hope to shine.

So, if I were to model full-time after my diploma (Feb 2013), I will definitely lag behind my friends. And to be honest, my ego wouldn't allow that. It's gonna be hard for me. If I were to really really model full-time, will I be able to pick up the pace from where I left off in school after not touching books for quite a while??? I mean for instance a really good example here right now: I am so used to typing on my laptop that my handwriting is totally screwed!!! No joke.

Besides those above, another issue I wanna bring up tonight is, putting on braces. Yes. I want to put on braces. Why? Have you seen my bottom set of teeth? No. Better not. They're disastrous. I am not even kidding. Braces will take about 1.5 years. And how am I gonna model full-time after Feb 2013 with my braces on? Just how?

I've set an appointment with my orthodontist on 24th Sept for tooth extraction and 30th for putting on the braces. It is not too late for me to chicken out. That's why I am thinking about this right now before I really do regret!!!!

So if I really decide on modeling, I will not have those braces. I'd have to cancel the appts!
But then, I would think it's really ugly and unflattering to be modeling in those teeth as well. So how!!!! Such a dilemma right?

Ok finally get this off my chest. I'm done ranting for now. Yeah. Goodnight.

Hopefully, I'd dream some dreams with hints that tell me how.



  1. Hello Irina. The following is my personal opinion based on experience.

    1) Planning

    You're doing it right. In life, you don't know what's best for you and whatever you plan will not go the way you want it, no matter how meticulous you are. I'm sure you didn't plan to head into an advertising and pr course when you're in primary school, most probably a doctor or a nurse. Take a day as it is, and as the day ends, look back and reflect how your day has been. Believe that He has got it all planned out for you and know what's best for you. Thinking about it will only distract you from the destination you're heading to. Like many people would say, enjoy the simple things in life.

    2) safe & practical / different and take risks

    I've pondered much over this before and the answer to this came from a YouTube video I watched. There's this line that gave me that a-ha moment.

    "what's the worst that can happen"

    With that said, you decide.

    3) degree

    A degree doesnt say much about you other than you're good in studying and theories. It doesn't equate your particular set of skills you have acquired in your life. And holding a degree doesn't equate to earning more money. It's just an easy pass saying that you're qualified for a managerial role. We all know that the people who make the most money in this world today don't have a degree (unless you're talking about a honorary one). Those who succeed in life are those who beat the education system today by simply leaving it. They then turn hungry to gain knowledge on their own and they learn more on their own then from what they would have if they are still in school. The phrase "the most knowledgeable are those who are self taught" takes fruition here.

    a) wisdom

    Those with a degree do not necessarily have wisdom. And I didn't mean that those without a degree have wisdom. But wisdom comes to those who can understand the lessons behind their experience with the knowledge they have acquired. Okay I don't know why I did a sub point a) there.

    4) Modelling or braces

    No comments.

    5) thank you.

    Thank you for reading to this very line.


    The heart finds the heart. Assalamualaikum.

    1. Hi Erman!!!! It's been so long since I hear from you. Hope you're well!
      I do see you occasionally in lectures, but I never figured if I should say hi. I think it'd be awkward, so I never did.

      Anyway, thank you so so much for putting thoughts into my entry and replying it to it once again.
      I really appreciate this, Erman.

      And as much as you say degree may not be thaaaaaaat important, but in Singapore, isn't degree what most companies are looking for when they're hiring? Degree is at least something tangible, so people probably feel more secure having it, because companies can't measure and weigh experiences isn't it? Does that even make sense? I hope I do. Haha.

      But, yeah thank you so much for your input.
      I am still thinking..... a lot. On the other hand, I've decided to go ahead with braces.
      As for modeling... bah, will see how it goes.

      Rest well, and have enough fun before internship starts yeh!!! HEHE

    2. Peace be upon you Irina,

      Where are you interning this sem anyway?

      Ugh, yes. I see you in every lecture (except for some that I skipped) and yes it would be awfully awkward to say hi to you. Especially at the bus stop. Maybe during graduation!

      You're so tall in person! 1.77?

      I know several directors of companies who would prefer a diploma graduate to a degree graduate mainly because they are better at teamwork and practical settings. Okay, maybe if one plans to work in Singapore, a degree would probably help you secure a decent job. but from the looks of it, you're someone I see with the potential of faring way way better outside Singapore. Foreign talent!

      Oh I think I saw your close friend, Durrah Taqiah! She looked pretty sad, maybe you'd like to give her a call or two?

      For the braces part, as long as your boyfriend finds you beautiful with or without braces and the cost is manageable for your family, hey, the rest doesn't matter. Make sure you smile more often once you have braces on!

      And when you get a bit of time, do watch this! I mean, it would be really meaningful and change your perception on... erm.. clothing i guess?


      And thank you for being you.

      - Erman

    3. I am interning with Saatchi Saatchi! Feeling a lil' apprehensive about it... Nevermind. You? You? What about you? :-)

      Bus stop??? I never noticed. Not your fault. Most of the time, I'm in my own bubble so I can be quite oblivious haha.

      Wow not bad huh! 1.78!

      Outside Singapore? I don't know. I think I am quite sheltered by my family. The 10 days in Korea already made me homesick!!!! So I don't know if outside Singapore will do me any good haha. But, maybe I don't like Korea... so yeah. But anyway, about outside Singapore, will probably see how after graduation! :-)

      And Durrah, she's ok! I texted her. She said she's just tired! Thanks tho. It's really nice and considerate of you.

      He doesn't mind braces. It's more for career purposes. It's already decided. This Friday, Erman. Oh my :-(

      It has nothing to do with clothing... is it the wrong link you pasted?! haha.

      Thank you for... being thoughtful as always.

  2. People like to say "life gets in the way of the best laid plans" and that is a great hindsight observation, but it is not a legitimate excuse for living without a plan.

    Modeling is definitely something to take advantage of if given the opportunity because how many people can become models if they wanted to? 1% of the population? maybe less. And as you already know, modeling is not just about looking pretty, it's a complete set of skills. From walking runways to public relations, from the discipline of staying in shape to the attitude necessary to work with teams of people for an ad campaign, it's a difficult and rewarding job, and certainly nothing to be ashamed of.

    BUT...it's a time sensitive occupation that works just like college.

    The purpose of education is not the education itself but rather the genuine LEARNING that is supposed to come with it. So consider a modeling career to be the same. It's like a school that teaches you how to manage yourself as a business. Even if you make a big career out of modeling, you should still keep an idea in the back of your mind about how you can parlay all of your skills and experience into a future job or business. (Example: Heidi Klum, Cindy Crawford, Tyra Banks...) It's the skills and connections that make you valuable, not the piece of paper from a school, or the comp card from an agency.

    So whichever path you choose, never lose sight of the true purpose and intent of that decision. Stay true to that and you cannot fail.

    Because there is risk taking: http://bit.ly/SEogpk
    And there is risk taking: http://bit.ly/TUMjr

    Good luck!!!

    1. Hi John!

      You remind me very much of a friend I miss. He always disguises as someone else and comment on my blog, as much as I hope you're another individual... I hope you're him as well. Haha. He always gives good quotes just like you too! I love this, "life gets in the way of the best laid plans".

      Read this: http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/9-reasons-to-quit-your-job-and-travel-the-world/

      Exactly what I have in mind. But, ain't got enough guts to do it yet. When that day comes, I believe I'd know. :-)

      Thank you for putting modeling in such a positive light. I mean not everyone sees it like that. Many still think of it as a sleazy profession! My grandma is one of them. It's not easy to change perception and it won't happen overnight hence I don't publicize what I do.

      Some would never get the difference between models and talents. The definition of beauty in fashion industry is different from ordinary beauty. To avoid being other's topic conversation of whether, I fit to be a model or not, I stay low key. Moreover, I am currently doing this part time. Wait till I'm doing this full-time, I wouldn't mind braving storm. But for now, school is first.

      But anyway, thank you so much for your comment and making me feel better hehe :-)

  3. Hello Irina , May i know where you put braces and how much?

    thank you very much & do whatever you think is right so you wont regret next time :D

    God bless u :)

    1. Hi there! :-)

      I've replied in my new entry!
      If you wanna know more, just leave me a comment!