HELLO AGAIN

How have you guys been? Hope your year end break was good enough to revitalize your soul for 2015. I haven't done up a New Year post because 1) it's a little too late now and 2) this post, as of now, is far more important to me.

Some of you may have noticed Yi Ming's departure on the 13th. So for the past few days, I've been trying to get my life back on track and just... be brave. I'm, slowly but surely, retuning myself to where I was before. Don't get me wrong. I'm okay and still happy; just that I can't deny it's tough doing this whole separation thing all over again or rather, again and again. I've been trying to put away these feels because I didn't think it was necessary for me to confront or reconcile with them. I thought I'd get used to feeling this way but they remained as raw as before. 

I'm writing this post to the most recent mixtape Ming made me. We always make each other's mixtapes since our first..... date(?). In fact, that's how it all started (though that's another story altogether).

Sidenote: Sweetie, I'm likin' the first song so far. Good job!

He really wanted to embed the playlist here as a surprise for me yesterday when the new mixtape was ready, but the silly boy didn't know how haha. Now, while he's asleep, I shall help him do so.

Because there has to be 8 tracks for the playlist to be published, I included my recent mix for him too.  Don't get your hopes up. No expectations, no disappointments. But I genuinely, do hope you discover some songs you might like in there.

"It gets easier."

For those who're currently in a long-distance relationship, whoever told you the above was probably lying. They were just trying to be polite but at the same time, had unknowingly offered you some false sense of security, because I don't think it gets any easier. It doesn't.

When you wave goodbye at the airport with the glass screen in between you and him, that alone feels like enough distance to take on. If you allow me to be melodramatic, I'd even go with how the physical pang of emptiness, deep inside, as your heart aches with the realization that ‘missing you’ doesn’t even begin to cover how much you miss him. I made it a point to not cry at the airport, at least not in front of him. Simply because, in situation like this, being strong for each other is a lot more important than putting the needs of one self first. So fight those tears and smile.

"It gets easier."

How is that possible when you have to be apart from someone you find yourself more in love with each day? How can that statement even justify the complications experienced from leaving someone you wish to keep closest to these days?

The worst thing besides the distance, would be the newfound desperation you discover when you're unexpectedly teased by the bad wifi (your boyfriend chose to attached himself to at the airport); just as he called to let you know he's safe after a 14-hour flight and that he missed you very much. When you have to experience clutching your phone tight to the receiver to trace any hint of connection back to him and repeatedly echo "hello" as you anxiously await for a reply, the realisation of distance will hit you hard and the feeling of being so out-of-reach will consume you whole. That's when you have to resign to reality - ok, stay sane and let's do this again.

We juggle with extremes of proximity. Being TOO FAR and TOO CLOSE and then TOO FAR again in the span of half a year can easily screw up any couple dynamics because the time needed to grasp the reality and to get comfortable again with the circumstances we are in is undoubtedly a feat.

It's always nice when the ringing finally stops, the line gets through with no interference and the voice you're familiar with gently coos, "Hi bb."

I'll be strong. 

I'll be even stronger when I see happy couples together, laughing, smiling and holding hands and doing all the things I wish I could be doing with you. 

I'll be strong for us.

Our Winter break was lovely. We had a lot of fun travelling around and even in Singapore itself, we truly had a blast. Despite you being 10924.916 km away, it's a nice thought to know someone always has you tucked away in the back of his mind as you both go about living separate lives.

When I have finally acknowledged how this is all just a temporary logistical challenge, it's much easier to come to term with the distance because if we are in for the long haul, we have bigger things to worry about.

Always come home safe to me

Despite all the shit LDR is known for, we try to stay focus and I hang on specifically for that moment when he lands in the arrival hall. We would both be engulfed with excitement so much so that no one should fault us for having the goofiest smile across our face. Because we've learnt to live in the moment and for those moments, it makes you believe there is no limit to how far love can travel.

Till the next flight home, baby.