Blues

Today is just one of those random days whereby I feel really vulnerable.


P/S Probably a long and sweet message or maybe a warm and pleasant hug, or perhaps a good and thought-provoking talk would help.

Just maybe.

OUT

Be leaving for Korea on Sunday (tomorrow) night.

Surprisingly, I am not as excited as I thought I would be. I don't know if that's good or bad. Is this even normal? Ha ha I mean I am finally going somewhere; traveling, holiday, shopping, seeing new things, experience different culture, doing something crazy maybe etc yet I am feeling so uncertain about this trip.

To be honest, I have never been out of country without my family (school trips are exceptions for they are under supervision) before. So, I still feel pretty much/quite protected like a baby to the family. Oh yes, I am aware of how foolish I might sound right now but I don't care. I'm just gonna say my piece now ha ha.

I guess this is part of growing up isn't it? Getting used to leaving home, getting detached from family etc, seek solace in a foreign land, get away from reality for a bit. It's funny how I am feeling elated and anxious at the same time. It is like given something rare that I don't need, in this case: Total Freedom. Some people would be like 'Whuuuuuut?' but honestly, I've always feel safe under supervision and care. I need the constant security.

This trip is gonna be a big milestone for me. Going so far away with just friends for 10 days. After this trip, I know I might come back to be slightly different. Not in terms of looks of course!!!! I mean, different in a way... in the sense that... my viewpoints or take on some things might change, for my map (brain knowledge) is widened and exposed to things I never knew. I am not saying 100% I'll change or anything. I'm just saying. (Oh my, I find it so hard to get this point across!! I don't even know what I'm saying anymore meh) The change I'm referring to is probably the high possibility of getting used to being free, and I might just want more in future. They say, traveling is addictive yknow ha ha.

All the leaving home thing, being alone freaked me out a lil.
However, the fear evaporates almost instantly when my mother helped me with packing. It is really heartwarming and nice, never felt so much love from such a small gesture before. The other time I could compare to this amount of love was when I got sent to the hospital, but that's a totally different case. I can't compare like that. My mom meticulously packed all the necessities/toiletries for me. No one understands me more than she does. She took care of everything. I didn't budge from my chair to do anything, she didn't even complain. Pure love. Doing something for someone without expecting for return. Such unconditional love, I promise to learn well and shower them to my children in future.

Mumsy, I love you heh :')

As for my sweetheart Jeremy, please don't worry yeah? I will come back soon, and come back safe. I know it is gonna be weird for a while; to break away from your routine to see me for almost everyday. But I assure you these 10 days will pass so fast that you wouldn't even notice that I am gone!!!! (might have exaggerated a lil') I promise to Fb Message/DM you on Twitter whenever I can yeah? Please keep yourself occupied. Read the notes I wrote to you when you were for Taiwan, cause you'd probably share the same feelings as me then. Then again, I can't really rmb the contents now ha ha. Just so you know, I love you and I will take good care of myself. And yes, I won't look at the Korean guys there. Don't worry. You're unbeatable and irreplaceable heh. Muah~

Apart from all the nice things about holiday, it worries me so much that I have tons of assignments waiting to be done!!!! Oh my goodness :'(    It is almost crazy that I've to think about assignments during my holiday. It sucks that I won't be able to enjoy myself to the fullest. But seriously, fuck it. I'm just gonna play hard in the day and study hard at night. I've decided to bring my laptop over so that I can complete my work. Sigh, such a wet blanket right? Oh well.

Okay, see you people in Korea then ;-)

Hope you're having a better time than me. Hurhur.

Thou Art Mine.

SONNET 18 

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Thou art more lovely and more temperate: Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May, And summer's lease hath all too short a date: Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines, And often is his gold complexion dimm'd; And every fair from fair sometime declines, By chance or nature's changing course untrimm'd; But thy eternal summer shall not fade nor lose possession of that fair thou owest; Nor shall Death brag thou wander'st in his shade, When in eternal lines to time thou growest: So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, So long lives this and this gives life to thee.

HEY WHADDUP?

Please don't expect me to always be good and kind and loving.

There are times when I will be cold and thoughtless and hard to understand.

But always remember, I love you more each passing day :*

"I'm my prettiest and ugliest only with my boyfriend. Blessed I am."

DREAM HOUSE

I know I am random. But I really want to do a post on this because I can't wait to get my own apartment. I already have plans, to get a rented apartment and share it with my girls and boyfriend. I don't mind getting my own apartment either, and then I can have my girls stay with me as well. It works both ways, so I am cool with anything. I just want them with me:

both Sham and Huisze and also not forgetting, my boyfriend.

Things I'd love in house:

1. A lot natural lighting

2. Alot of "Whites"

3. House/Rooms with theme

I like it when a house has a lot of windows for the natural light to enter. It makes a huge difference and brighten up the whole house as well. I like it when it is simple; white walls, furnitures, decors items etc. I just like white. All white. That's the minimal me. 

But I have the crazy and cozy me too, where I like tribal-like patterns, bold colours, crazy-looking decors etc. You will see from the pictures below, how different I can be through the selection of photos.

Let's start of with Bedroom:

I don't mind a cat living with me in future. Actually I want one.

A MUST HAVE FOR MY ROOM IN FUTURE: SCREEN PROJECTOR

How amazing will this be right? 

Cuddling on the bed, watching your favourite with favourite boy.

Next, Bathroom/Toilet:

 Look at my two extreme sides. Hahahaha. 

That's how I work, so extreme. 

No middle ground, else it's considered mediocre to me.

HOW CUTE IS THIS!!!! HAHA

And then, we have the Kitchen!!!

Kitchen is very very important cause ... I'd want to be motivated to cook! Only in a nice environment, I'd be inspired to put in effort. So it's important. Huisze and I will be sharing the kitchen. I hope she likes these pictures that I picked out, cause I love them HEHEHE. 

I like it when the utensils are in white.

It's like simple and neat and clean.

Steel and wood are okay too.

Table tops are important.

Love the pipe!

This picture below is random and does not fall into any of the category but...

I just simply love the DIY lights. Haha. So out of the point.

 Kiddos' room

Would love to have 4 beds in one room. Hehehe, so convenient!

Would love to have a chalkboard for my kids in the room in future. 

I know those pictures might be a lil' unrealistic because of the land and space constrain in Singapore. All this will only work if I've a huge house. Oh well.... I MIGHT JUST MIGRATE OK! 

Kidding, will see how la. Haiyo.

This is why the title says, "Dream House". 

It's just dream what. It doesn't have to come true.

Don't mind my house being this colourful as well.

Sigh, suddenly got feel to study interior design. 

Pui.

CHANGED IN STATUS

Yes... 

Yoohoo~ I've finally changed and updated my relationship status on Facebook haha. Yes, I know it's lame cause it has been quite a while and we are so slow right? Hahaha but before that I was in a relationship with my good friend, Vinodhini. I didn't want to break up with her, so I left it as it is. Haha. Good friends over boyfriend k /smugface

Plus, I've this thing where I'm rather afraid to change statuses on Facebook. As naive as this is gonna sound, I didn't want it to jinx the relationship. Hahahahaha. Don't judge k! I know that sounded really silly, but I've seen too many status updates evolve from being "in a relationship" to "single" and I don't want to be one of them. So, I've always been careful. That sorta explains why I was in a relationship with my good girlfriend instead of a guy huh. Haha. Oh, my previous relationship wasn't indicated on Facebook as well. So, can you tell how weird I am in this aspect already?

Now, how did it happen? 

It wasn't my boyfriend. Well, he did ask, but I sorta said no.

Cause I didn't want to break up with Vino unless she's the one who initiates it you see.

It's Vino's boyfriend. He is really sweet. He texted me to ask for a favour; something I didn't expect.

And, at that point of time, I was expecting a favour like, help him to complete a surprise or something.

But instead he said, "May I have your permission to be in relationship with Vino on Facebook?" 

That's so so cute!!! Hahaha, of course I said YES!!! 

And at the same, I sorta agree to my boyfriend's request by agreeing to Vino's boyfriend. Hehe.

 BAM, TADAH. END OF MY LAME STORY.

This is probably nothing big to you, but this sorta is SOMETHING for ME. 

Cause I've never been in a relationship with a male on FB before, not even with my ex. 

I feel that this is something so open and public; feel as if I'm risking something here. 

If you think about this, one's reputation is kind of at stake. 

How would people not judge you, if they keep seeing

the change in relationship status over a short period of time, right?

I wanna share what I've read on Thought Catalog, something I thought I can relate to, about current situation. Makes me happy that I am not the only one thinking this way eh /glad

Okay, been too long since I last blogged.

And I feel weird. Bye. 

Muah.

SHOCKED

'Sup readers?

Why the sudden explosion of love?

Hahahaha. 

xx

RECENT

Been so long since I posted a picture of myself.

In case you guys forgot how I look like. Just kidding.

JUST ANOTHER RANT

"She is my good friend... till she has a boyfriend."

I don't wanna say this, but I hope I am not morphing into one of these because I've never liked this kind of girls. Till today, I still think one should never prioritize their boyfriends waaaay ahead of their friends. Don't get me wrong, it's perfectly okay to prioritize. I love my boyfriend a lot. 

As much as I do, he also knows that my friends are equally important to me as well. 

Those awful days when I got hurt by jerks; at my almost-lowest point, it was my friends who got me through. So why would I turn my back against them just cause I'm attached now? 

And if ever, (touch wood) my boyfriend were to leave me...

It's gonna be my friends who got my back (again).

Don't come running back to friends, when you have no one else just cause your boyfriend fails you. Friends aren't your back up plans. Even though we promise to always be there for you, think about those times when we needed you, yet you had your boyfriend first. 

#justsaying

Ain't referring to anyone in particular. Don't be sensitive k?

ONLY ME

"Yeah, you do love me from the bottom of your heart right? And you never want to let me go again, right?"

"I said it and I meant it."

Midori pulled away from me with a smile on her face. "OK, I will wait! I believe in you," she said. "But when you take me, you take only me. When you hold me in your arms, you think only about me. Is that clear?"

"I understand exactly."

"I don't care what you do to me, but I don't want you to hurt me. I've had enough hurt already in my life. More than enough. Now I want to be happy."

- Norwegian Woods, Haruki Murakami

No Caption Needed

WHY STUCK?

Where on Earth...

What am I doing in Singapore again?

OUT OF NOWHERE

This is just a random blog post to place together the random thoughts I have.

I am probably down with lovesick.

Yeap. Hang in there. 2 more days.