Thursday, May 02, 2013


Do you get it?

This week's been quite a madness since Feb, my unofficial graduation, I haven't been doing much. To be honest, I am glad that I'm doing nothing, that's because I felt like I've been doing so much studying for the past 21 years; I kinda just wanna slow down and think what I really want for  myself.

I've a feeling that my uni applications didn't go through, which is also good cause I'm really not that prepared for them anyway. The course that I applied for, I didn't feel that much for it now: Sociology. So many people been scaring me about it that I went, "Really? That bad?" So yeah, gonna recollect my thoughts and see what goes now.

If uni is not gonna happen this year, I'm gonna try full-time modeling. In 2 months' time, my braces is coming off so the time and the plan will fall in pretty nicely (hopefully, fingers crossed). Reason why I'm pursuing modeling not because I'm thaaaaaaaat into it but because I need something/a reason to conquer my fear for traveling alone.

With modeling as an excuse to live somewhere foreign for 2-3 months, I will be able to grasp and gauge if I can survive on my own and see how I cope with homesick. Then, with that, I can judge if I'm up for studying abroad for 2-3 years. Right? Yes, I kinda need this affirmation before I apply for overseas university.

Ok, as I was saying, I've been busy. That's because May is Singapore's fashion season. There will be a lot of upcoming shows, so there've been lots of castings recently. Madness! It's been just work work work all week. Maybe, because I haven't been that involved in modeling, the sudden comeback kinda threw me off guard. So, today I gave myself a day off and skipped the casting haha. It's a pretty huge client. What a sin right! But I realized I've kinda neglected my health recently and my body's been giving me signs as if it's gonna give way pretty soon, so I need to do something about it.

1. Giddy Spells Bring No Good

Again, I hate to bring this up but I just had my second encounter yesterday. I guess if I were having my menses, I can say it's pretty normal due to the cramps... otherwise, it's not okay for such to happen at all. So, yesterday in the midst of the shoot, I literally blacked out. Because it's such a different experience this time, I was pretty taken aback. There's something wrong with my body, isn't it?

When I was woken up by the client, it felt like I woke up from a short deep sleep. I was so comfortable, felt like I woke up from a dream! It was when I looked at my attire, I realized I was still in the midst of the shoot and yes, I did pass out.

What's the cause of this second encounter? I could roughly guess by piecing the similarities in occurrence from the previous together with yesterday's, but why are the other girls okay?

I'm such a weakling.
I want to hide. I want to recuperate. I want to readjust my body.

2. Skin Allergy Be Gone Please

For whatever reason, it seems like I'm having a pretty bad skin allergy now. The allergy is causing a very bad skin reaction (obviously); I'm having a lot of breakouts. I know this might sound attention-seeking, but I feel so ugly right now. Sigh, girls... I know. But, I honestly don't even feel like going anywhere. I just want to be make-up free for a month, for my skin to be okay again. I'm too insecure to step out of house looking like that now. So, I was thinking maybe I should stop working for awhile and make Saturday my last show till I get better; my body and my complexion.

I need to hide. The world has enough ugly things.

So I've been spending my entire day in bed, resting /pretty blissful

I want to feel okay and beautiful again soon.


  1. Yknow everytime I read your blog, I feel like I can really relate to your experiences. I like that you're a very real person who doesn't fake her emotions and I really like the way your mind processes what's going on in your life.

    I am sort of going through almost the same thing in my relationship. & I really hope that you & Jeremy (weirdly my currently-also-ex has the same name)would be able to work it out. Like I hope one day he appreciates what he has(or had) in you.

    May we both find happiness (:

    1. Yes, weirdly a lot of my friends are going through rough times with their bf/ex and it seems like the issue/problem is more-or-less the same.

      I hope you pull through too, my dear. We definitely will find our very deserving happiness :-)

  2. I am a year 2 sociology major in NUS and honestly, picking that major was the best decision I have made in my life so far. The lectures are extremely interesting and as cheesy as this sounds, it really opened my mind and allowed me to see things differently, in a far less superficial way. I agree though that it is not a major for everyone, especially for people who hates writing essays or thinking about social issues but if that's your thing you will surely enjoy yourself in the course. The subjects I took in JC were mainly in the sciences and I have never found lectures interesting so looking forward to the lectures in Uni is really a very different experience. Revision for finals is also a far more enjoyable experience. It made me realize the importance of studying something you truly enjoy so if you think sociology is interesting, it is best not to listen to the opinions of people who never had contact with the subject. Maybe you could sit in for one of the sociology lectures and decide for yourself? :)

    1. Hey Luna!

      Finally I'm actually hearing something from a Socio student! Thank you so much! Well I think the topics would interest me but I don't know about the essay writing. I don't know if I'd be able to manage. I'm just torn between going for a course that I could ace easily vs something I find interesting and slightly harder to ace.

      Socio is pretty subjective right? Or is it theory based like psychology? Subjective subjects are hard to score. And if it's theory based like psychology, why do they say psychology is easier to study? :/

      I'm sorry if I'm bombing you with too many questions. I'm just so excited to speak to someone who can give me valid advice/opinion.

      Thank you once again, Lune :')