Blues

Today is just one of those random days whereby I feel really vulnerable.


P/S Probably a long and sweet message or maybe a warm and pleasant hug, or perhaps a good and thought-provoking talk would help.

Just maybe.

OUT

Be leaving for Korea on Sunday (tomorrow) night.

Surprisingly, I am not as excited as I thought I would be. I don't know if that's good or bad. Is this even normal? Ha ha I mean I am finally going somewhere; traveling, holiday, shopping, seeing new things, experience different culture, doing something crazy maybe etc yet I am feeling so uncertain about this trip.

To be honest, I have never been out of country without my family (school trips are exceptions for they are under supervision) before. So, I still feel pretty much/quite protected like a baby to the family. Oh yes, I am aware of how foolish I might sound right now but I don't care. I'm just gonna say my piece now ha ha.

I guess this is part of growing up isn't it? Getting used to leaving home, getting detached from family etc, seek solace in a foreign land, get away from reality for a bit. It's funny how I am feeling elated and anxious at the same time. It is like given something rare that I don't need, in this case: Total Freedom. Some people would be like 'Whuuuuuut?' but honestly, I've always feel safe under supervision and care. I need the constant security.

This trip is gonna be a big milestone for me. Going so far away with just friends for 10 days. After this trip, I know I might come back to be slightly different. Not in terms of looks of course!!!! I mean, different in a way... in the sense that... my viewpoints or take on some things might change, for my map (brain knowledge) is widened and exposed to things I never knew. I am not saying 100% I'll change or anything. I'm just saying. (Oh my, I find it so hard to get this point across!! I don't even know what I'm saying anymore meh) The change I'm referring to is probably the high possibility of getting used to being free, and I might just want more in future. They say, traveling is addictive yknow ha ha.

All the leaving home thing, being alone freaked me out a lil.
However, the fear evaporates almost instantly when my mother helped me with packing. It is really heartwarming and nice, never felt so much love from such a small gesture before. The other time I could compare to this amount of love was when I got sent to the hospital, but that's a totally different case. I can't compare like that. My mom meticulously packed all the necessities/toiletries for me. No one understands me more than she does. She took care of everything. I didn't budge from my chair to do anything, she didn't even complain. Pure love. Doing something for someone without expecting for return. Such unconditional love, I promise to learn well and shower them to my children in future.

Mumsy, I love you heh :')

As for my sweetheart Jeremy, please don't worry yeah? I will come back soon, and come back safe. I know it is gonna be weird for a while; to break away from your routine to see me for almost everyday. But I assure you these 10 days will pass so fast that you wouldn't even notice that I am gone!!!! (might have exaggerated a lil') I promise to Fb Message/DM you on Twitter whenever I can yeah? Please keep yourself occupied. Read the notes I wrote to you when you were for Taiwan, cause you'd probably share the same feelings as me then. Then again, I can't really rmb the contents now ha ha. Just so you know, I love you and I will take good care of myself. And yes, I won't look at the Korean guys there. Don't worry. You're unbeatable and irreplaceable heh. Muah~

Apart from all the nice things about holiday, it worries me so much that I have tons of assignments waiting to be done!!!! Oh my goodness :'(    It is almost crazy that I've to think about assignments during my holiday. It sucks that I won't be able to enjoy myself to the fullest. But seriously, fuck it. I'm just gonna play hard in the day and study hard at night. I've decided to bring my laptop over so that I can complete my work. Sigh, such a wet blanket right? Oh well.

Okay, see you people in Korea then ;-)

Hope you're having a better time than me. Hurhur.

Thou Art Mine.

SONNET 18 

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Thou art more lovely and more temperate: Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May, And summer's lease hath all too short a date: Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines, And often is his gold complexion dimm'd; And every fair from fair sometime declines, By chance or nature's changing course untrimm'd; But thy eternal summer shall not fade nor lose possession of that fair thou owest; Nor shall Death brag thou wander'st in his shade, When in eternal lines to time thou growest: So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, So long lives this and this gives life to thee.

HEY WHADDUP?

Please don't expect me to always be good and kind and loving.

There are times when I will be cold and thoughtless and hard to understand.

But always remember, I love you more each passing day :*

"I'm my prettiest and ugliest only with my boyfriend. Blessed I am."