Tuesday, May 22, 2018


Warning: If you intend to watch 13 Reasons Why, please exit my blog and come back when you're ready. If you're done watching it or don't intend to ever do so, then.... feel free to carry on reading.

Disclaimer: This is not an entry where I debate if 13 Reasons is a shit show or glorifies suicide. I am neither encouraging nor discouraging anyone from watching the show.

I just finished watching the show and I'm..... disturbed. I'm not the sort to be easily shaken by out-of-the-norm graphics or gore. However, one scene in particular from the last episode really got me hard. I gagged a little watching.

It was a sexual assault scene. I believe we have all seen sexual assault scenes onscreen and we're not new to this - or at least, I'm not. I watched Sinner on Netflix. There was a rape scene. I was disturbed, but it was on an emotional level - I was connecting with the character and empathising with her as a fellow female. But this... it was an experience/a feeling I've never felt before.

The sexual assault in question was inflicted onto a boy in the show. Not that this is news in itself (however, a lot of such cases definitely go unreported). It was the way the director, and/or the team who shot the show, decided to portray the scene the way they did to send a message across.

I watched the interview where the executive producer spoke on Beyond 13 Reasons Why. He explained how the victim who got assaulted was not a popular character. He was the kid that was labelled negatively in school - loser, 'Peeping Tom', stalker etc. His character is unrelatable to the masses, compared to the others. Then... they built the whole thing up to this scene where he got violated with a mop handle. The stick was shoved in behind him and when pulled out, you see how much blood was on it - that also illustrated how deep it went. The executive producer explained the tactic they employed was called "radical empathy" where the scene was shot deliberately for viewers to feel pain with Tyler - for us, to be in his shoes too.

Another lady was also interviewed, she mentioned how 1 in every 6 boys in America was assaulted and it is much harder for boys to speak up.

Long story short: the victim then proceeded to become a school shooter. I watched the last episode with my mom. I explained to her, I'm glad that they highlighted gun violence issue. I've read articles where authors think that only people with mental illness arm themselves with gun(s) and the intent to hurt. 13 Reasons Why clearly depicts how one can be a sane person and still end up behind a gun with the intent to harm. Anyone, if pushed too hard to his/her wit's end, can become a shooter.

I talked to my mom about why the victim would, quite naturally, choose not to speak of the problems he had with his parents. To preserve whatever dignity they have left, how can one bring him/herself to tell their parents that he/she was bullied? raped? violated? etc. If I were Tyler, I would still want to maintain some normalcy in my life and for my parents to not treat me weird. Sometimes... you just want to hide. I completely get where the character was coming from and why he did what he did (disclaimer: not that that made his actions justifiable or okay, I do not condone gun violence in any shape or form).

I don't know where I'm going with this but I knew I just had to write to make myself feel better somewhere. Lastly, as cliche as this is gonna sound, you never know what the other person is going through or where is that tipping point..... let's be kind to one another, including ourselves.

Love you guys x

P/S Reread the post and thought how my entry is bland and essay-like(?). I wanted to pen down this piece quickly while I'm still emotional. Maybe its how heavy the subject matter is - the delicacy of the issue has probably weighed down on my writing, and I feel like I'm a little more sombre than usual. Over the years, I've grown accustomed to let such feelings pass and they're usually fleeting. In times like this, I no longer know how to explain how I feel....

Monday, May 07, 2018


.... it was a good break.

Hey, you people! How have you been?

I haven’t blogged in awhile (lol I say this a lot, sorry!) and I have quite a bit to say so I thought why not just do up a short entry? Moreover, this has always been the safer and more intimate space for me to share my thoughts.

Before I set out on this holiday, I knew I wanted to create more content. There’s this part of me that constantly feels like I’m not doing enough - which is true. I have full time job commitments and it’s not easy juggling that with being an influencer. But there’s also this part of me that acknowledges the fact that I don’t have it in me to be the full-on-typical influencer. On weekends, I’m a total sloth. I spend most of my time in bed - Netflix and chilling, and/or cuddling with Ming. Many have asked, even during job interviews, why I don't choose to stick to my Instagram as a full time job. If you guys have followed me for long enough, you should know that this has never been my goal.

It did feel weird recording IG stories again, and posting them after not doing so for awhile now. But you guys are so sweet. You guys always have a way to make me feel like.... online is home? Thank you for responding actively to my mini vlogs on IG story.

When I was still in university, I used to say that I’ll delete my IG once I have a full time job. Guess what? Here I am. The funny thing is I started this blog to write about the ups and downs in my life. Fun fact: some of my friends say that I’ve a memory worse than goldfish. So, my blog not only helps me remember but naively, I wanted to build a community to support each other - to make sure that no one feels like they’re alone for what they’re going through. You gotta admit, at 18, it can feel like the end of the world when a boy breaks your heart haha.

And NOW, I have you guys reaching out to me, sharing LDR stories/ break up stories/ self love stories, it’s amazing. Funnily, I feel less alone in this process. I’ve always championed this phrase: women supporting women. To have experienced each other’s strength and vulnerability through anecdotes really inspire me.

This Instagram thing can get hard but I thank you, my dear Internet friends, for giving me the strength and support I need. I know it is a great blessing because not everyone in the world get to do two of what they like anyways.


(me writing this post and mom saw)
Mom: Ah! You're blogging? Japan?
Me: Ye...
Mom interrupts: Video? Photos?
Me: No la, mom. No video this time.
Mom: Why? Lazy?
Me: ......
Mom: I was looking forward to it.. *and then switches to talk about Angelababy's plastic surgery news*

For everyone, including you Mom - cause I know you'd be reading this, thank you for always giving me motivations and good vibes to continue creating genuine content.