Sunday, May 26, 2013


By the way, I've been thinking and I want to move from Blogger to Tumblr for a while.
I wanna try and see how it's like there. So, just bear with me for a few weeks.
If I love it, I'll stay there, else here's home.

I've two tumblr sites.
Meant for random reblogging
Meant for personal use; blogging
I'll see you there alright? ;-)


(We all love Ryan, don't we)

Sometimes when people say “I love you, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, ‘till death do us part”, what they really mean is, “I will love you until I feel like it, until problems arise, until we fight and until it gets hard - then I’ll stop.” That’s the thing. We only love people until we feel like it. We only stick with them while things are flawless. We leave the moment things get hard. We commit to people based on how we feel at the moment. We let our feelings tell us what to do. But that’s not what love is about. When you love someone, you don’t leave them even when they’re at their worst, you don’t give up even when the world concludes your other half as hopeless, you stick with them and you do everything for them even at that time when they can do nothing for you. Cause that’s what love means. Giving when you receive nothing, staying when everyone left, loving without being loved and sometimes it means choosing them over everything, even yourself. 

That is my weak spot. And, I am not shameful to let people know, because shame on them if they choose to exploit it, to their advantage. 

Thursday, May 23, 2013


Did I mention I've been really active on Tumblr recently,
I've been seeing so many things that I wanna share with you guys that I've been thinking should I just move my blogger to tumblr..... y'know? Just a random crazy thought. Let's just put it on hold for now. Yayyyyy, it's raining so heavily now. Die you torturous heat.

All so superficial I wanna die, but I love the last point though.


Four-thirteen in the afternoon and the heat is killing me. I'm currently at a state when I'm easily annoyed by every single thing. The bed, the fan, the phone etc whatever. I just need to ignore these annoyance and irritation for abit, so Imma blog.

I've been home since forever. My instagram is starting to get dull. I wanna put out a notice so bad like, "This is account is current inactive till ... whenever she feels like not being a sloth." It's good to stay home; I keep my mom accompanied (she just finished a surgery), I have a lot of me-time, I have a lot of things figured out (somewhat). So I took up the squat challenge. Currently, in day 3, and my 60 squats are still pending. Gonna do them after I'm done with this entry.

250 sounds scary right? I don't know if I'll get there but I'll try. This is so tough, I swear but I'm gonna push myself to do this. If I manage to finish, holy shit, I'm snap a picture of my butt and share with y'all. Wink wink. We'll see if i can even get there in the first place hahahaha.

I went clubbing yesterday. Yes, bad bad. I know I've said stuff about clubbing, and how Im not a fan of it but I've too much memories there. I fell in and out of love in the club. I met amazing friends in the club. I learned to be more street smart in the club. I just felt the need to find myself back there. I needed yesterday to check if I was truly okay or was I pretending. Previously, whenever I hit the club, I'd feel different for I was attached. I'll feel uncomfortable, odd, out of place, so wrong about everything but yesterday amazingly, I was placed exactly back to where I was before I got into relationship. 

It felt great, free and empowering. I know I can do this now. I know I'll be okay on my own two feet. Single never felt so powerful before. And I'm so thankful for all the friends who were supportive yesterday, letting me do whatever I did, trusting me enough to let me have fun. Thank you, Amelia. (And I feel the unnecessary need to disclose that my heart almost gave way yesterday. It can't be happening so fast, it's too fast. My walls need to go higher. My heart needs to be in control. No tripping for now, no tripping.) For those who were there last night, saw me, and judged, I honestly don't give a shit because I know myself better than you do. My conscience is clear and I'm ready to roll. 

I was looking through my Facebook, browsing through my friends, photos etc. and I began to feel so angry and unjustified for most of my female friends. I don't like that their beauty are underrated by the guys they are seeing/have feelings for. They are beyond that. I honestly, felt so small when I was in the relationship. Isn't relationship supposed to make you feel better about yourself? And I don't get why now that I'm out of relationship, I'm so bitter about it. Don't get me wrong, I'm not turning into an anti-relationship person. If anyone were to ask, I'd say, "I was happy, I didn't regret having to go through those pain for the joy I had." I just think relationship messed people up, that's all and you end up fixing yourself so much after that.

I wish those guys could see what I'm seeing. I've a few girlfriends having problems with their relationships. They came to me for advice. I wish I could protect them from all the undeserving hurt. Geez, of all the books out there, why hasn't someone smart come up with a dummy guide for the boys to girls?! Damn it. 

Ok, I'm done with this redundant rant. 
Time for squats! Nice ass nice ass, hop hop let's go!
It's worth the pain.

Monday, May 20, 2013


Finally, it's here.
It's true that they say, when you've reached the limit, you'd know when to stop.
Because you would save the least energy to at least save yourself.
And now, I'm saving myself.

Set free


Before anything I would like to that I was ashamed of myself. I could have put in more effort for this graduation but I didn't. I honestly wanted to bail, if weren't for my mom. She was just so excited and I understood this could be a milestone for her and decided to let her have her moment and be good instead :')

Few things to note about me:

1. I wasn't those typical girls.

In school, I liked staying in my own comfort zone so I stayed away from unnecessary attention. As geeky as this might sound, I was usually the first few to dash to bus stop the minute class ended cause I loved being home early. I hated the idea of hanging back in school cause I didn't see why expanding social circle was relevant to me then. Rather, I preferred to stay detached from school. I also didn't see why I had to participate in extra-curriculum activities besides for the CCA points. They never seemed to interest me long enough, and I kept quitting the ones I joined. Through the three years in school, I would like to think that I was different, but also average at the same time. As much as I stood out in school, I liked blending in. You get me?

2. I was there to study and nothing else.

I defined my role in school clear enough, which was to study well and make my mom proud. That's it. All other distractions were unnecessary, but that didn't mean I was a hardcore mugger. I just did what was sufficient and relevant to get good grades and played like crazy on the other hand. So, I never bothered catching up with things that's supposedly trendy or cool just to impress. I didn't mind not looking like fashionista in school. I liked feeling comfortable though I thought I could have put in more effort sometimes. Some people were fascinated by my profession, and when they saw me in school, they were probably disappointed cause they might have expected more than just this. 
They have to understand that modeling is a job. And, this is me.

Like what Cameron said, models are just modified by a very professional team to make us look fabulous. People expect models to be glamorous and pretty all the time, but they don't understand we are humans too. This was why juggling school and work was a little hard at first, but I was glad I managed to shun away from all the unhealthy aspects and made it through school.

3. I was selective in making friends.

It's just the way I am. I am cool with acquaintances. I can talk to anyone but I won't talk to everyone.
You will understand this when you know me. I often test the frequency of others before opening up. So I wouldn't say I have a lot of friends in poly because all I need is true friends. I am glad I found a few :')

Got to know these two munchkins from Sports Camp, they made my poly life so much more bearable. We used to hang out almost everyday in year 1 whenever our timetable fit.
Azima is absent in this picture, but we love her so very much too hehe.

Stephanie, someone I knew from Sports Camp & she's my classmate too! 

I'd say I'm truly glad to have been part of Sports Camp. 

Otherwise I wouldn't have known these amazing people.
My awesome awesome classmates. They are true darlings.
We're missing Jamie in the picture.

Funniest Course Manager ever. As much as I don't like him, I love him.
Love-hate relationship, right there. You've to know him personally to understand how someone can be so annoying and lovable at the same time! Gosh! Hahahaha.

The three of us are about the same height and we have the same surname!
So in Year 1, I'd say we had a pretty good time messing with people, leading them to think that we are cousins. The Cousin Tans hehe.

My very first hmm... steady boyfriend :')
I am so happy for him that he's found someone and she looks great.
Last long!!!!!

We promised to attend each other's graduation in Year 3.
And I'm sorry I couldn't make it to Azima's and Syafiq's today.
But lots of love to you guys from home!

Ok, finally I'm done with Poly.
What now?

Friday, May 17, 2013


A song I am hooked on after watching 'Any Day Now' (amazing movie btw!).
A song I am sure many wouldn't appreciate. A song's lyrics got me so intrigued.
A song so classic it's perfect. A song if you like, I'm amazed.

You've been acting to strange
You don't love me with soul
Well, there's lots of other guys
Who'd love to play your role
If you don't wanna be my leading man
Get out of my life and let me live again
(You can go, you can go, you can go)
Oh, the show must go on

Thursday, May 16, 2013

Tuesday, May 14, 2013




Last Saturday was really good. I love it when I know a day is set to mean something.
I love to dress up and look pretty on weekends and make them count. I love going to places I never been. I love making memories, setting footprints near home before I'm brave enough to venture out.

I thank God for the wonderful Saturday for me to catch up with my friends. I thank God for everything that went smoothly that day. I thank God for all the signs He has given. I thank God for putting these people in my life, allowing me see and understand what He has in store for me. And I pray to be more receiving and brave to accept all that is ahead of me. I believe my heart will heal under His love and everyone's else too. Thank you so much for all the support, be it small or big.

Lovely vintage dress from
I absolutely adore how cute it is and totally complemented my Saturday :')

Had brunch/tea at Halia restaurant at Botanic Garden. My first time there!
And I really liked it a lot. The ambience was really good. It wasn't crowded.
Everything was just nice, and it felt just right. 

Chilled at this random cafe we found after walking around, because we were looking for ice cream but had rootbeer float instead. It's another amazing go-to place! 
I forgot the cafe name but I'll definitely go again hehe ;-)

Did something totally random, we were talking about how we used to suck nectars out of these ixoras.
And instantly looked at each other and said, LET'S DO IT hahahahahha.
And we did! It was... weird that we liked it so much when we were younger.

Dennis looked nice that day.
Thank you for everything.
You'll survive this outfield, fret not!