Some people ask too much, question too much and speak too soon. Without invitation, they give unwanted advices regarding issues that require absolute no help from the outsiders.
I find it extremely peculiar and disturbing to receive opinion when I didn't ask for any, from people I do not know of especially when it's phrased in the I-know-it-all tone. If it's wise and objective, I would have been open to hear it out but nope. It's been getting hard to handle these nosey-pricks or maybe I've no more will to. I hate to be questioned. I think the act of digging into in someone else's unrevealed life is a tad offensive. What I'm documenting is what I've decided to share, anything other than that is privacy.
Privacy, a word I doubt some people have learnt or understood. Otherwise, they would have known the boundaries. And because anonymity is the biggest ultimate shield in the medium I'm speaking of, not only people seek comfort in that (which is a normal thing to do)... but they also take advantage of it and keep pushing the limit. If the shield's gone, I doubt any of this would happen. Their cowardice would have instantly taken over, not allowing them to do something so stupid. If you don't do that in real life, why do you do it behind the screen?
This is why I've decided to deactivate my ask.fm. To be honest, it's getting quite tiring reading messages. Yes, no doubt some of you are absolutely lovely. I've been trying to hang on. If you've been with me long enough, you should know that I am a feeler. I feel things more than average I'd say. Knowing that it's unhealthy to solve other's issues and give advices because it can take a toll on my being for I can instantly put myself in other's shoes and feel what they're feeling which could result in.... slight/accumulated mental exhaustion, yet I still did anyway. I was just trying to be there for y'all.
Then, I realize my ask.fm doesn't feel like my ask.fm anymore. People just keep taking, and taking. Everything is about them, them and them. I don't mind the genuine people I've spoken to. They're wonderful. Maybe therapists are expensive, so seek Irina for her unprofessional-not-certified 5-cent thoughts. At first I was grateful and happy that y'all choose to confide in me. Like "Hey, I mean something! What I say actually matters." But as time goes by, it feels different. It's not the same anymore.
So yeah, I'm retreating just a little. What you'd be seeing from now on, would be just the facade I choose to show. Nonetheless, thank you.
Hi Irina, I was shocked as I went to your ask.fm page just now and it showed that it was deactivated, and I chanced upon this post. It's saddening but nonetheless, it's your decision and so long as you're happy, the people who are true to you will be happy as well. Chin up Irina and all the best in whatever you may choose to do :)
ReplyDeleteHi Allison, thanks for being the darling you are. People like you always make me feel :') if you ever need me, I'm still here!!! Or you can drop me an email yeh? <3
DeleteHey Irina!:) I'm the girl who first spotted you on the love bonito show and said hi on your askfm! Hope you remember me:) I just wanted to say you're really an awesome person for giving all the advice and sharing love to your readers, and you totally deserve your privacy and all, you're not accountable to anyone k:) hope you stay happy and we readers will always support you no matter:) *virtual hug*
ReplyDeleteHi Rachel!!!! People like you are truly God-sent :') Thank you for existing and being part of my life virtually and also to cross path with me physically at fashion week. Pros and cons to social media, but knowing y'all make the cons seem like dust. Have a great Sunday, dear!! <3
Delete"Then, I realize my ask.fm doesn't feel like my ask.fm anymore. People just keep taking, and taking. Everything is about them, them and them. I don't mind the genuine people I've spoken to. They're wonderful. Maybe therapists are expensive, so seek Irina for her unprofessional-not-certified 5-cent thoughts. At first I was grateful and happy that y'all choose to confide in me. Like "Hey, I mean something! What I say actually matters." But as time goes by, it feels different. It's not the same anymore."
ReplyDeleteHi Irina!
This is going to be lengthy, but here goes.
To be honest, the above paragraph is exactly what I have been thinking whenever I go to your ask.fm. I used to frequent there, yes sometimes I admit, to be nosy about the things you wear, where you get your stuff, your recommendations on things etc. I have always feel like while a blog is where you choose to place the important things and significant events, ask.fm is for you to interact with your readers. eg. People who ask your opinions on things, to actually talk to you, even if it’s mundane things, something like us texting you as a friend but anonymously instead. (It’s not possible to be friends with the whole wide world eh?) Lately, it’s just a platform for people to tell you their problems and ask you what to do, how to do this, actually ask you exact steps on how you do this and that (The one about torrents). How did you get so much patience from that? That’s what I was thinking. If I was you, I would have told them to google themselves. You’re sort of spoon-feeding them because you only wanted to be kind but they don’t seem to be learning anything at all. Not even that, they don’t seem appreciative. 'Oh hey, we can always ask Irina about it' And I’ve read some who are just downright racist, judgemental and nosy to the point of….. if only my hand could reach across the anonymous asker and slap them (re: The ‘You aren’t with J? Why still kiss him, etc’)
This is a silly thing, but yes, once I have wanted to tell you about my problems and ask for your opinion. But I deleted everything and told myself, ‘What is the point? Why am I burdening a really kind stranger online over my problems when she doesn’t do the same?’ Not that I am super awesome or whatever, but I wonder why a lot of people there can’t do the same? Best part, your replies are extremely detailed and lengthy! Do people even appreciate you for it?
I’m not asking you to start charging people haha, but you know, place themselves in your shoes. Like what you said, “People just keep taking, and taking.” It is sad that people are like this now, the mentality of ‘Hey it’s free! Let’s get as many of this while we can.’
I’m sorry you chose to deactivate your ask.fm because of this. I have no idea what happened or who pushed you over the edge. Yet at the same time, very happy you addressed this on your blog and relieved for you. Wow, finally Irina won’t have people asking for advice day after day. I fell in love reading your blog because of how honest and real you were. I admire how you even thanked people in this post and how patient you’ve been to all of us.
Take a break from the online world for awhile! After all, people do say absence makes the heart grow fonder. What is most important, is how happy it makes you, it’s not for us. Blogging is for you, it’s your space, your platform, as how ask.fm should have been too. Thank YOU for sharing with us about your life and your mind, it's truly a privilege. :)
I don’t know how to end this, but I hope I don’t come across as arrogant or anything. Just very happy for you. :) Have a better ask.fm-less days and I wish you a lot of happiness. :)
ps. I would admit, if I can’t publish this anonymously, I wouldn’t dare to talk to you either. Ö
Hi youuuuu!!!!!!
DeleteAt night like this before bed, I usually feel more emotional and vulnerable than ever (partly cause of PMS), and your message just...... You spoke like a real true friend and it's overwhelming (in a good way, don't worry haha).
I've hung on and tolerated for so long simply because people like you exist. Internet friends like you replenish what's taken from me. I'm so extremely blessed, really. I can't even get the words right right now. My brain seems to be processing faster than my hands and my fingers can't keep up.
My friends were to first to whatsapp me hooray... "Like finally Irina omg it's about time". And this lovely message from you, makes me feel like you're just one of them. I love your honesty as much as you love mine haha, and you're nowhere near arrogant or offensive at all. Offensive is..... I've a pretty high level of tolerance towards bullshit. So when it's offensive, it's reaaaaally offensive.
"if only my hand could reach across the anonymous asker and slap them (re: The ‘You aren’t with J? Why still kiss him, etc’)" hahahaha oh how I wish the same! I was accused for over-reacting and a whole lot more cowshit which I decided to delete and ignore. Some people don't seem to understand and I'm glad we're on the same page hahaha. Like the wise said, common sense isn't actually that common after all.
"This is a silly thing, but yes, once I have wanted to tell you about my problems and ask for your opinion. But I deleted everything" Nope. I'm here. I'm here for you. Be a penpal to me. An anonymous one, if it makes you feel better :-) you don't seem like that sort who takes so I really don't mind giving. Give yourself an alphabet or a pseudonym to talk to me when you feel like.
Actually it's my fault that everything spiraled down like this. I wanted to be there for people because I know what it's like to not have anyone there. I just didn't expect the entire thing to escalate this way.
Thank YOU for being so understanding, my dear. You're truly precious and I'm glad you wrote in. Whenever you need me, I'm here. Have a great Sunday :-)
Hey irina! Just wanted to say that you are such a kind-hearted person :) Your good features are a bonus that comes along with your awesome personality. It's sad that some people take your kindness for granted. If you were my friend, i would never ever let you go, or take you for granted.
ReplyDeleteI love how the phrase things so so cute! Heh heh welllllll..... I think if we're really friends, you wouldn't think of me the same way. I'll be just as ordinary as anyone else and you wouldn't be able to see me like how you do now. Idk if you understood, but it's the idea of me that you'd never let go :-)
Deletehi dear, this is M, if you remember me asking you a few qn on ask.fm.
ReplyDeletethere are always people out there who takes people for granted. I've been your reader for over a year now, and your ask.fm is like a daily read for me to get to know you better, but recently there's a ton of relationship advice kinda question and repetitive ones which kinda makes me feel that," what if, irina isn't here to answer your question?" , " have you even bother scrolling?"
sometimes, we need to have our own opinions and stand. the people who needs advice etc are endless.
i'll respect your decision in closing down, but please don't feel sorry or bad in any ways. you have really given advice that changed my perspective and made me feel that, there's this person out there that i could relate to and look up to.
hopefully i'm able to interact with you thru your blog, yeah? A genuine, down to earth person like you should always stay strong. hopefully, i'll see more updates here hehe.
Hi M! Yes I do remember seeing this alphabet signing off once in awhile :-)
Delete"I've been your reader for over a year now, and your ask.fm is like a daily read for me to get to know you better" ahhhhh daily read. Sometimes I feel my ask.fm is so..... it's just too much. I wonder if people really do scroll and read my replies. Thank you for people like you, I feel my effort doesn't go in vain.
"you have really given advice that changed my perspective" and yes you can always talk to me here! I'm glad I manage to alter your perception of things a little. That's something I hope to achieve to ask.fm too but, it's been overloading recently that I feel I'm no longer motivated to reply.....
You can follow me on Dayre. It's much more personal there but let me warn you, it's full of crap there hahaha. My incoherent thoughts, especially. I blog there without thinking twice because I don't feel accountable to anyone there. I just say what I want which doesn't even seem..... relevant at times haha.
Thanks once again for this lovely message of yours, M. Have a great Sunday!
Ooh, lengthy post with so many nice comments! Sometimes it's the nice people out there that makes things better right? Even if we are all just strangers. I think I'm smiling just as much as you are. Hahaha! Don't worry, I'm sure all the nice people will surface again whenever you need them/us. ^^
ReplyDeleteThank you, dear. It's nice seeing familiar names on my blog. If you ever need anything, you know I'll be here though ask.fm is now no longer valid :-)
DeleteHi Irina,
ReplyDeleteI asked a couple of r/s questions previously because I am lost and stuff. And I just want to really sincerely apologise for burdening you with my problems. I truly appreciate all your advice (you were like a really wise sister to me) but I am super sorry that you felt mentally exhausted. :( If I knew I was troubling you so much emotionally, I wouldn't have asked. So yeah, just wanna say a super duper sorry to you!
And, thank you for being such a kind-hearted soul :) You're always so kind and genuine, even to strangers.
Have a great day ahead and lead a good askfm-less life!!! :D
Hi dear!
DeletePlease don't be sorry. This entry ain't crafted to make anyone of you feel bad. It's just an announcement to some very malicious and nosy people out there to watch the line.
If you ever need my help again, just email me. If you're uncomfortable with the absence of anonymity, then you can still talk to me using this medium right here :-) I'll still be here.
Thank you for dropping by. It's never bothered me to give to people who're as sweet as you. Really. So don't feel bad. Have a great week ahead!!!
Hey Irina,
ReplyDeleteI've always been a silent reader of yours, and i just wanna thank you for this entire blog. I'm going through problems you have faced/facing, and I find comfort knowing that i'm not alone in all this, and i can relate to whatever you've blog about. I'm not good at writing and expressing myself, and when you blog about certain things, you express the thoughts in my head i've been unable to put into words. I'm just really really thankful for you (even though i don't know you in real life). :') And even though you have so many people reading this space, you still remain so true to yourself, and you're so genuine to all the strangers out there.
Wishing you all the happiness, cus you truly deserve it.
<3
Hi dear,
DeleteWelcome welcome to this humble little space of mine! And thanks for finally voicing to let your existence known :')
And yes, with the world's population standing at approximately 7.136 billion, you're never alone. If it makes you feel better, even someone like Mirander Kerr would have nights where she cry herself to sleep. It's totally normal. We're all humans <3
I wish you happiness too. Thank you for being such a dear to drop by!!'