Thursday, January 30, 2014


I know I'll regret posting this

It's weird how I am relieved by the distance the holiday is giving us. I wish it'd be easy to tell you how I really feel but I don't think you would be totally receptive to what I'm going to say. You would probably come up with some solutions and explanations to counter my stand and soon, I'd be steered away from where I begin.

Recently, I've been helping my friends to cope with their break-up. Yes, the result of cheating cases. Everyday, every single day, the things around me; the people, articles, images, experiences would remind and warn me about cheaters. They deter me from you. Deep down, though I try, I know I cannot love you the same way again. 

Maybe I can. But maybe I don't want to. Cause even if I do, it'll never be the same.

Cheaters cheat to receive the validation they lack of. The moment I realize that, I figure how cheaters can never love us though they claim so. They don't seek for us. They seek for the affection and validation we can give them. And those are easily obtainable from anyone, which makes the entire relationship perilous. A listening ear from any (interested) opposite sex would definitely hit the jackpot. 

And whatever the cheaters do or say, I can no longer take them seriously. Don't say I've never tried. Don't say I've never given a 100%. Think about it: How can I give my 100% to someone who's hurt me before. How am I supposed to trust me feelings with him again? Don't expect so much from me when you said, you'll never forgive a cheater yourself. So why the double standard?

Everything you do feels a little like redemption of what you did; just so your conscience could sleep at night, your guilt won't bite, your reputation won't stink and people won't look at you with that judging eyes. I'm not saying I doubt you entirely, but you can't blame me for doubting either. 

Honey, you can't resurrect what's dead. That includes, my feelings.
I know this is all very tough. It's probably the price of infidelity.

Nothing is harder than denying someone love.


  1. great piece of work. may u find peace and happiness. could feel your innermost feelings. your ability to transcript your feelings into words is a gift many do not have. use it wisely. <3

  2. /hugssssssssssssssssss Irina

  3. your mixes are so nice!

  4. All these chasing and feelings stirred from the same one guy seems so tiring for you Irina, I hope that you are close to a closure because I really wish to see you happy and free. But whatever it is, I truly wish you happiness. :-)

  5. Hi irina may I know which poly you were from?(:

  6. Hi Irina!!! Please update your blog when you're free. I think your readers especially me..... miss your updates.
    Takecare xx