WORRY EVEN IN GOOD TIMES

Talk with Substance

I hate small talks. Sometimes I don't even like asking, "how's your day?" cause I'm actually not interested to know. I ask because it's only courteous. I wish we could jump into topics with substance and weights. I want you to tell me things I don't know about you, things that could help me see how I can love you. Tell me how lonely you are or what keeps you up at night or what songs make you cringe or what movies make you cry. Talk to me about the pet that died or how your mom's eyes glow when she speaks or how your dad's goofy behaviour makes you laugh. 

I don't care about the weather or what you ate. And I promise, in return, you don't have to care about the same.

I want substance, and not many can give me that. 

Even in Good Times, We Worry

I was just sharing with Hoho yesterday or the night before about a thought I can't dismiss in my head. People always say how it's important to find someone who stick with you throughout the bad times. Nobody really mentioned about the good, isn't it? Have you ever wondered how in good times, it can also be bad? Or maybe even harder to bear? 

I'll tell you how and why. And here's a scenario to aid your understanding: Imagine your husband finally makes his profit, he goes out to drink, starts to splurge and now opens to temptation... It then hit me how even in good times, when a family is financially stable, a time when there's no need to worry and argue about shortage, things can go very wrong. 

So what are the moments when it's absolutely okay to let our guards down and truly enjoy? Isn't it crazy. I don't know if you get the picture I'm painting here but who would ever thought in good times, it could potentially be the worst of your life: husband having affair.

It Was Uncalled For For Us

A good friend of mine just found out he's been cheated on last night. I've been fighting the emotional war with him ever since. The conversation between them was really intense. I will never understand why the cheaters would think it's much harder for them than it is for the victims since it's totally uncalled for for us??? 

Choices. It's all about choices. We were all struggling in the relationship, but the one who chose a different exit plan or temporary comfort shows a lot of cowardice than the other obviously. 

It really brings me back. I see so much of myself in their conversation when my good friend sent me the screenshots. It's true isn't it, that birds of the same feathers really flock together? If so, why isn't there a club for those (the different ones) where they can gather, date, cheat on each other, switch partners, get married and eventually cheat on each other again? 

Like what my friend nicely put above, if you expect your partner to cheat (in time to come), it surely means you haven't given your all.... including your trust. If you have trusted, you wouldn't have expected otherwise. And because you think it's an eventual thing, a case of infidelity waiting to happen to you, you'd allow yourself to be more open to the possibility of cheating on your spouse. "Since he's gonna cheat on me, might as well right?" If that's the case, your relationship is on highway to hell.

A Space For Me To Clear My Head

The above were just the random things I thought of and what happened around me recently. It's nice that I have a space where I can fall back on to express what I feel without having to second-guess myself and worry what you guys think of me now that I won't be able to hear your thoughts anymore on ask.fm. FYI I'm referring to the shallow ones btw. 

I've never expected to attract so many eyes on this site. Initially, this space was meant for not only myself but my friends, to let them into my world to see things my way when I couldn't articulate my thoughts well enough or for friends who needed to know what's going on in my life... this space was like Facebook, only much more personal. I've never sought for fame. It was never in my plan anyway. But later, I realized what I say actually weighs. I've to watch and decide what is appropriate to be shared for the eyes of many. The ability to be vulnerable in public, a space where it's easily accessible to everyone and still go with the courage to reveal feelings without the fear of being slammed,.... nosy pricks would never understand.

I just wanna thank the sweethearts whom had emailed me, to comfort me, to share love and joy.... you guys are the best thing I never expect to receive. Truly God-sent, thank you for making Christmas feels like all year round :')

P.S Thank you for those who'd credited me during quotation in their blogs or twitter accounts. Thank you for validating the things I say. People who failed to do so, aren't worth me giving second thoughts about their shallow minds.