WARNING: ANGSTY RANT

The moment I got home, I immediately switched on my laptop because there's so much ongoing in my head right now and I wanna get them out. This ain't gonna be my usual update. From the title you should probably know this could be a nasty Irina rant. I've been trying to ignore these issues but it just hit me today that I need to get it out of my system and address them. I am already 22 years old, I didn't think such childish things are still happening around me.

FIRST: When it's there, it's there

Today I met a friend who's very special to me. We haven't met in a long long looooong time. We are that sort you wouldn't think we are close cause we don't meet everyday. In fact, we only hang out once a year or less!!! In my humble opinion, this is the sort of friendship that is powerful. The thing about true friendship is, it's not about how much or how frequent we hang out but really more on the ability to connect emotionally; on a deeper level. I'm really glad that all my good friends share a similar vision as me on this. It's like an unsaid code between us: There's no need to meet often. We could meet once a year, and still... it'll never be awkward between us because when it's (the friendship) there, it's there. There's no need to try/force.

SECOND: Good friends are different from close friends

Yes, Irina categorizes her friends. To some of you, the terms above may mean the same but not for me. You may be a close friend of mine because we hang out a lot, but you may not be a good friend because I don't tell you stuff I would tell a good friend. A good friend could be someone I see only once a year, but still consider a good friend because I know he/she will always have my back no matter the distance. That is the difference.

THIRD: I am very protective over my friends.

Very. If there's a need for me to enter a confrontation just for them, I would. Today, it's come to my attention that this good friend of mine hadn't had a good time in school because of some people's childish, inconsiderate and (insert all the negative adjectives here) misdoings. How so? Do refer to  point #fourth and #fifth and #eighth.

FOURTH: People who put others down to make themselves feel better

If you're guilty of the above, please..... (inserts an appropriate punishment here). I cannot stress how much I cannot tolerate people as such. /speak in black tone/ Are you thaaaaaat almighty sista? Are you that almighty that you need to step on someone just to get yourself up? To elevate your low self-esteem? It's fine if you mock me, just don't touch my friend. Don't get my friend involved. Cause if you do, that's when I get upset. Have it ever occurred to you that whatever shit you're doing to this innocent person could hit you back like the Karma-boomerang? I am capable of starting a war with you and go all apeshit and confrontational, but I wouldn't. Not because of fear, but I won't allow myself to stoop so low, to your level. I don't kill people's vibes just cause they're different. 

If you haven't heard, here I'm saying that you're truly disgusting if you do seek happiness at the expense of another's misery. I've names in my head as I'm typing this and it might just be you because I know you'd be reading this. 

FIFTH: People who join in just to fit in

If you don't think that the person is bad or deserving of such humiliation, please kindly have a mind of your own and walk away. If you can't stand up for the weaker person, then just shut up and not participate. If you take part in such a low-life activity just to feel belong and part of your "clique", then congratulations you've become someone you said you wouldn't. 

Nobody's saint. Everyone would bitch about someone at some point. I do bitch too, but I say stuff that are almost factual. And if I have to, I would be daring enough to say it to that person's face if he/she can handle the truth. But what I don't understand about some people or how some friendships function is that... when someone's absent, that person is automatically be targeted for private session of humiliation. Are you guys that bored???? Haven't you had any better shit to do than to bitch about an absent friend? If so, what makes you so confident that your friends won't do the same when you're not around, Queen B? God, I can't believe I'm actually typing this. It's so secondary school. For God's sake, you're already 20. Grow the hell up.

SIXTH: Why do I value my friends so much?

People often ask how do I stay grounded? It's a funny question cause I've never felt like I've been above the ground or anything ha ha ha. Well, jokes aside. I honestly think my friends are the living reminders for me to be a better person for them and everyone and myself each day. 

I remember how Durrah, a lovely friend of mine told me back then in school, "I don't like how I'm being seen as just Irina's friend and not Durrah." And that's when it hit me that I wouldn't want any of my friends to ever feel that way again. I see each of my friends as special beings, even more precious than diamonds. If you've watched my videos, you'd know how they're all so different in their own ways. They should never be referred as "Irina's friend" but to be seen as an unique individual. That's when I start making effort to mention friend's name if it ever comes up in a conversation.

Oh.... Hoho. Oh..... Shamo. Oh.... Charles. Oh.... Dennis. Oh.... Amelia. Like I want to screw all the names in everyone's head so that everyone would know everyone instead of "oh your... that secondary school friend". No. He/she is not just that secondary school friend. He/she has a name. 

SEVENTH: Little things in life

I know you'd think it seems like I place friends above family. You're wrong. My mom is like a friend to me. We talk about everything under the sun, stars, whatever there is. I'd be okay talking about my breakup, clubbing stories, girlfriend stories, any stories to her and she'd just listen and maybe contribute her input. It's just those relationship not many mom-daughter would have. I am aware and I'm grateful. She's really a friend more than a mom. 

The little little things in life fuel me more than you'd imagine. Just now, the good friend of mine told me over a text after I left saying, "Thank you for not checking your phone all the time." And I immediately replied her, "Thank you for being there, when I turned around as I was walking away." Get it? No?

I love it when it's time to leave and say goodbye, my friend would be there watching till I am almost out of sight. It's comforting when I turn back to see and there's someone waving reassuringly back at me. I do that to my friends a lot. I'm always the one who wait till the cab or the bus to be out of sight, whenever I send someone off. I'm always waiting. To have someone standing there signifies support and it feels like that person's always gonna have your back. Like "Don't worry, Irina. I got you. I got you good." 

This little gesture means the wooooooorld to me. Usually this act of mine is never often reciprocated by my friends because I've never mentioned how that equates to such a huge value of importance. But, this good friend did without having me saying anything about it. I was pleasantly surprised. With that, I know I can always count on her.   

EIGHTH: People tend to focus too much on other's lives, they forget to live their own

Nosey people need to stop being nosey. There's a difference between being blatantly nosey and genuinely concerned. Each time you would like to know something, ask yourself, "Am I nosey or am I concerned?" Never dwell into someone's lives so much that you start to forget your own. Never be envious of what others have when you can create something special that's yours. Never compare. Never escalate hate purely from jealousy. Never be the person you'd look back and regret. Think and reflect on your action on today, are you ashamed of yourself or are you proud?

And yeah, good friend's name is not mentioned because I don't want to make this entry more obvious than it already is. If they're smart enough, it's pretty easy to connect the dots.