"THE ACCUSTOMED COMFORT LEVEL OF TRUE JOY"

Taken from Sham's blog.

An entry which I like a lot. And I thought should be shared with you guys.

I don't know about you, but this got me thinking a lot.

Hmm...

So, what do you think?

GIRLS

YET ANOTHER WORDY POST...

Managed to meet up with my girls today! We had an impromptu movie date, Chernobyl Diaries! I expected it to be better, so I'd only give it a 2.5 out of 5. If you are considering to watch, think again... haha. Well, it ain't thaaaaaat bad but Vampire Hunter is definitely much better /wink.


Anyway, it was a well-spent day with Sham, Huisze and Jeremy. Glad that we did this today. It can never be bad with my girls around ☺☺☺


Each time I'm out with them, I'm amazed by how far we've come. I used to never had luck with people I regarded as friends in secondary school. You can never imagine the horror/nightmare/shit that I went through; all the backstabbing, hypocrites, dramas, lies, masks, etc. They were really exhausting: mentally, physically, spiritually whatever. Then again, they made me a lot stronger. And also thanks to them, I learn to count on my girls. 


How long have we been friends? More than 6 years!!! (oh boy how time flies)
If only relationship could sustain like friendship, wouldn't that be nice? Haha but, I think it is a lot easier to be my friend than my boyfriend.


Thank you guys for always being the closest to me even when we are being separated by the different stages of life, being in different tertiary schools and all.


Thank you guys for holding onto our friendship, for never be like “Eh, things change, people change” and drift away vaguely because we’re victims of circumstances. We all get distant to a certain degree when we make huge transitions but you guys didn’t let me get very far and always keep me rooted to the ground. And I like that.


Thank you guys for taking care of me in every way possible, for being there when no one else was or wanted to be and when you guys didn’t have to. You guys are always understanding even when I didn’t call for weeks because I was too busy being a 'walking hanger' or someone’s girlfriend. And yet, you guys are always ever-ready to pick up my heart-splinters when things get predictably messed up. You guys were and are there for everything, no bargaining or explanations needed. 


Thank you guys for being different than everyone else, different from the friends who are only there for the fun things, the art museums and shopping and clubs and movies and the good times. You guys stick around for the bad too. Thank you guys for always being fun even when we’re not having fun. I don’t know how else to explain that but yeah.


Thank you guys for believing in me when I was too weak and exhausted to believe in myself. Thank you guys for pushing me, for repeating those affirmations that don’t mean anything in inspirational movies/films/posters but mean everything when y'all say them. 


Thank you guys for always knowing who I am and reminding me of that when I forget. Thank you guys for being genuinely concerned with the outcome of my life and always listening, even when y'all are in fact, tired. 


I can’t think of many other people I’d actually take a bullet for. 
I’d actually do it for the both of you. And I mean what I said. 


Okay, goodnight girls. See y'all real soon! ♥ ♥ ♥

STUMPED

I'm sorry that it has been really long since I sat my ass down and blogged about an interesting and worthy entry for y'all to read. I miss this space. I miss having the freedom to blog about anything I want. It's not like I no longer have the freedom. I do. 

It's just that now I'd have to think for, not just myself, but for my boyfriend too.

As a boyfriend, wouldn't you like to hear/know of info about your girlfriend from her personally than to find out from her blog or someone else... right? Hence, this makes it difficult for me to blog because if I were to blog about my troubled thoughts (like now), I am afraid he would see it as why didn't I turn to him instead?

It is not that I don't want to confide in him. Think about it, wouldn't it be hard to seek for solutions from the root of woes. I want to get the words out but I can't. If every cat is let out of the bag, people will get hurt, isn't it? I don't know if my analogy makes sense, but I hope you get my drift.

I feel selfish sometimes. I probably am. The truth is, everyone is.
But to what extend, are you selfish? 


Did you know being in a relationship can gradually turn you into your most selfish self? 
You've no idea, don't you? Me neither.

Being in a relationship, of course is good! Having someone to hold you, listen to you, care for you, love you, someone to plan your bleak future with, waste time with, do almost everything with. However, it has its downsides too but not many would want to talk/mention it, especially not those who are in relationships. (P/S Me.)

I just want to get this off my chest. I've been wanting to blog about this since last month. So, I'll say what I have to say, so dear boyfriend, please bear with me if you are reading this.

I've never liked being restricted. Anyway, who likes right? I would very much like to think of myself as free soul. I have never thought of being committed to someone that I could love so much and, actually be happy with.

I don't like it when I feel like I can't breathe, for the lack of freedom in the relationship. However, on the other hand, I don't like being left alone without him. I secretly (maybe not that secretly) crave for his attention, at the same time, yearn for freedom as well. I don't like how honest I am getting. Take note: I am not saying I am being suffocated in this relationship, I am referring to relationships in general.

As much as I want him all to myself (yes, obviously I am selfish as fuck), I can't do the same for him. I cannot not keep in touch and hang out with my bros/guy friends yet I feel unsafe/weird/different/affected when he talks to other girls. Why am I behaving like that? I really don't like how I am feeling. I feel ugly battling these contradictory emotions inside.

Being in a relationship also makes you realize how often you may be dumbfounded or stumped by a simple question like, "Are you okay?" When his eyes stare right into yours, it makes it even more difficult for those honest words to come out. That's when the whole "I am fine but I am actually not" saga takes place. Hence, I seek comfort in writing/blogging. Writing makes me feel brave; saying whatever I want and letting my fingers run wild, and free.

I don't get why relationships have such effect on me? I believe it is not just me. Other girls would probably be in the same boat, but I think they handle these better than me.

And of course, I would be afraid and have to deal with Jeremy seeing this. So, I would really like to seek for your (Jeremy's) understanding that it is REALLY hard for me to say this to your face. I can't bring myself to utter anything except that "I am okay" and I hate that I lie about being okay when I am not. I don't want to be one of those girls who bottle up their feelings. So I hope you really get where I am coming from, and understand that this space is the only avenue for me to release these frustrations I am feeling inside.

Please also understand that, I have no intention of ending this relationship or whatsoever. I just want to rant. Simple as that. Now that I feel better, don't worry, I am really okay. It might the hormones acting up ( I just got my menses). So yeah. Sorry this super wordy (dull) entry. Whoever that is still reading this line besides my boyfriend, I admire you for your high level of endurance and tolerance. Haha!

Anyway, I am gonna end here. I know it's weird that I end so abruptly but whatever. Goodnight!

PLAYLIST

I am really glad that y'all like my new playlist. 

Requested by many, here it is:

1. To The Lighthouse (Millionyoung Remix) - Memoryhouse2. Snowship - Benjamin Francis Leftwich
3. On the Safest Ledge - Copeland
4. In Your Arms - Kina Grannis
5. Slow Days It Was Super - Moshimoss
6. Falling In Love At A Coffee Shop - Landon Pigg
7. Used To Be - Beach House
8. All About Hearts - Mindy Gledhill9. Tonight - Lykke Li
10. Wicked Games - Coeur de Pirate
11. Love Love Love - Of Monsters and Men
12. Featherstone - The Paper Kites
13. What's Wrong With Me? - Julia Stone
14. Your Love - Marie Digby
15. Instruct Me - The Drums
16. Ordinary Day - Emilie Mover
17. Diet Mountain Dew - Lana Del Rey
18. Just So - Obel
19. Clementine - Sarah Jaffe
20. Beautifully - Jay Brannan
21. Swell Window - Zee Avi
22. White Winter Hymnal - Fleet Foxes
23. Lies - The Pierces
24. Slow And Steady - Of Monsters and Men
25. Get Up - Barcelona
  

"She lost her sense of light. She has to hold my hand."

TIOMAN GETAWAY

It's a really beautiful place, but the place I went for my first dive trip, Pulau Dayang, was definitely waaaaaaay better than Tioman. The water was clearer, the environment was better, the scenery was nicer, and of course, it's not Tioman's fault. 

It is no doubt human's mistake. It hurts to see cigarette butts floating on the surface of the sea. Not one, not two. If every smokers were to think to drop one butt (accidentally) into the sea is okay, what would all the beautiful places become in 1 year time? 

Pollution... seriously. Well, I am no better myself.

I probably/definitely contribute in some other ways of pollutions.

I am guilty and human doings are ugly.

Lovely boyfriend left a note while I was asleep on the 3hour bus ride. 

So sorry, love you!!! HEHEHE

HAIIIIIIIIII TIOMAN!!!! HEHEHEHE. 

Beautiful isn't it?

If only I could bring one of these precious home.

No wait, if only my mom allows....

Just ignore my boyfriend's eyes. 

Happens often hahaha. Bad timing.

Reason why I chose to go back to the sea whenever I can.

Pulau Salam for lunch after dive.

Trying to blend in.

KK chilling~~~

I really do love this picture a lot. 

How I wish I was the one lying there, and he was the one taking the picture instead.

Before sunset.

After sunset.

Beauty staring right through you. 

Simply gorgeous.

After dinner.

God's creations are simply breathtaking.

That's all! Short and sweet!

Bye, Tioman!

It's been fulfilling.

Random fact: I need to do things that feed/nourish the soul, else it's as good as useless to me.

Goodnight readers! 

KOREA

Hi. I am really sorry that I've been neglecting this space. 

Have been occupied by other stuff lately.

RANDOM RANT: OMG I AM SO SO SO SO FRUSTRATED THAT MY ENTRY WAS NOT SAVED AND EVERYTHING WAS GONE. JUST LIKE THAT.... SO NOW WHAT? I'VE TO JUST BLOG AND TYPE EVERYTHING ALL OVER AGAIN.

Just gonna say: It's never gonna feel the same again. Urgh.

Okay, so as I was saying. I need to catch up with you guys.

So let me fill you in on my Korea trip first. 

I may not type everything I typed just now:

1. Cause I can't remember

2. I am still frustrated by Blogger

3. Read point 1 and 2 again

This is my favourite in Korea. I love it so so much.

It's obviously BBQ meat, but the way it's BBQ somehow... I just don't know why is it so different.

I guess the quality of the meat is different to begin with.

Btw guys, this is Adler. "Hi everyone, meet Adler!!!"

He is really nice and amusing, without him, I wouldn't have made it back home seriously.

Truly a friend.

Korea Carpark Level: Transformer

I am so so amazed by how the cars can be stacked like that, parked.

I have this thing for box-y looking cars.

"Take me to one of those dates on these, will ya?"

I like how Korea cafe/store/restaurant owners put in a lot of effort into creating a space of their own with meticulous and well-thought interior design which I think Singaporeans can definitely adopt and learn from. As realistic as Singaporeans can be, despite all these being costly, if your cafe looks so appealing, you as a customer can't help but to patronize! A great marketing strategy.

The other one I really like is this. Obvious the photos do no justice to whatever my eyes had witnessed. It's really different to see and feel the ambience right there and then.

Went to Carribean Bay. It is just like Wild Wild Wet, except bigger, better and more fun. Haha.

I love how they've a waterproof pouch for our phones, so that we could still take photos.

Good advertising.

The roller coaster made of wood, looked so filmsy and dubious to me but I still took it anyhoooooo... twice! Hahaha. Conquered it and felt real good, because now I can smugly say that "USS is nothing" MWUHAHAHAHA.

The milk that people craze about here.

It's really nice. Kinda miss it now.

Another meal that I love there.

Rice wine which they claim to be nice, sweet and mild.

I beg to differ.

Isn't this funny? A lorry of onions out of nowhere.

"Who needs to ward off vampires? We've endless supply!!!!"

It's really comforting to see this in foreign land. Ease homesick a little.

Made some friends because of my friend's friend.

Stayover at chalet, really a whole new different experience.

The thing about Koreans that I notice is that, when they have guests over they pay most of their expenses. Food, lodging, activities etc. which made me feel really bad because these things are definitely not cheap. Food. Chalet. Activities we did. Acquaintances paying for things I don't deserve.

This obviously turn into a burden more than joy for me.

I am someone who easily feel undeserving of overwhelming things, I tend to withdraw and back away which very often people might see/presume as hostility. Nevermind, kind of off topic anyway. 

This weird thing of mine is very hard to understand, so I shan't go on explaining.

Went waterskiing the very next morning (paid for), so now you know why do I feel burdened?

I didn't get to do it in the end cause the water was too cold after I tried out other water activities.

It felt as if hypothermia was gonna hit me! Just kidding, haha.

There, I met this young kid. I just want to bring him home. 

These photos do him no justice, really.

I saw people doing this on a moving vehicle in Korea. I was really tempted to try, but I didn't.

So, I decided to take a photo on a stationary vehicle instead haha.

For friends.

Went to their local wet market, and had really delicious and fresh goodies!

Saw the live baby squid, I was slightly horrified... that it could still move after being sliced to pieces!!!!

Love how the ladies have special parking lots for them.

I thought it was kind of like a "ladies first" idea, but most of my friends reckon that it's probably because female drivers are often bad drivers hence giving way to them. Sheesh!

A day in HongKong before heading back to Singapore.

Didn't have the chance to be on those.

Finally went for tarot card reading.

I took Adler's advice and remained pokerface the whole time so as to not give away any clues to the lady, but she was surprisingly and horrifyingly accurate about things.... so yeah. Hahaha.

I would rate this trip 6.5/10?

Yeah. Would definitely touch on this more in future entries. 

There are still a lot of things that I want to get off my chest and haven't been able to do so. 

Wait for it yeah, guys.

See you. Ciaoz.

THIS SHIT BETTER GET SAVED AND PUBLISHED. ELSE..... GRRRRR....

Btw, I feel sorry for those who are already following me on Instagram

and having to see these same old photos again. Haha! Sorry!!!!