IT'S NEVER CLEAR ANYWAY

The time shows 2:32AM now and I've pieced this playlist together. I wouldn't say I did in a rush though it could sound so. But it's more like.... I just happened to pick whatever I wanted even if they don't sound right together. The songs, they don't seem to flow but I just had to get it out of my system because that's how I feel right now; so unclear and inconsistent. Like the noise in my head, it needs to be heard. Like what John Green said, like feelings, they demand to be felt. The way it is; raw and disturbed. Even if this mix is not your taste, thank you for listening. For staying in my world for as long as 12 songs.

#20:TWOTHREE

This shoot took place last year and it was my last shoot of 2013. And, I've finally collated all the photos together and thought of documenting them now. Not bad Irina. Let's see, you're only 4 months late. It's not that far back at all. 

Brief Background Intro

20:TWOTHREE is a local designer brand which caters to both male and female. Through their simple yet strong and statement pieces, the brand translates a distinct character and persona they embody. From a pair of non-f àshīon eyes, I love how liberating it is to don on unisex pieces and have the gender lines blurred. 

And yes, I'm honoured for this opportunity. I understand how huge it is to front a front a campaign; models as representation of the brand. It was even better that I did it with my buddy, Alex. 

Behind The Scenes

For those who're gonna ask me for the venue of the shoot, I am sorry but there's an agreement between us for a non-disclosure. So I can't say where it is. Go figure. 

The place was indeed beautiful and instantly defined the mood for the shoot.

"Beautiful things don't seek for attention"

Look at how subtle the gradients are and how beautiful it is as a whole, like a painting.

Thank you so much for this wonderful experience.

May 20:TWOTHREE be recognised by everyone for what it's truly worth!

NONAME'S NEXT CHAPTER

In case you don't know, I own a cat. A cat my friend rescued stuck in a mud hole in Singapore Polytechnic last October. I named him Noname. He was found with 3 other better looking siblings. They got adopted way faster because he was apparently the average one. I took him in and loved him very much simply because he was the average one.

And because currently he's 6-month old -at the right age to be sterilised, I brought him to the vet on Monday. The surgery took place and he was coned since. I....... thought it'd be easy but it wasn't. It's rather unbearable to go through this journey with him. Noname is evidently so sad. Noname is less active. Noname is in pain. Noname has difficulty eating because the cone gets in the way so he no longer has his usual appetite. The cone has to stay on for a least a week to prevent any licking. And so, Noname goes on sulking everyday. 

This was Noname trying to eat the treat I fed him. I cannot even....

I couldn't pay him a visit today and for that, I miss him like crazy. He's still staying at my grandma's since I moved cause he's a good companion for her. My aunt sent me a photo of granny feeding Noname earlier on. It's so heartwarming :')  I spent almost half of my day yesterday till late with Noname; feeding him with food and drink whenever necessary. I was worried my family wouldn't bother trying to feed but everyone loves Noname just the same ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

I love how my aunt keeps my mom and I updated with photos cause she knows we're all worried sick. Noname now sleeps his day away cause there's nothing much he can do. It breaks my heart to see him so. I can't wait for this week to be over, really. Quick. Hurry. I feel like I'm the worst to put him through this. It really seems like a torture. And for some instance, I feel that sterilisation seems really unnecessary now *sigh*

Lovely Gwen knows I'm affected and constantly worrying about Noname's well-being, she bought me a flower to cheer me up today. This sweetpie, I'm thoroughly blessed. Amen.

Get well soon, Noname. I love you very dearly.

MOVIE #15: BLUE IS THE WARMEST COLOR

Warning: Movie contains a lot of explicit scenes.

Not advisable if you're visually and mentally uncomfortable with such content.

Blue is The Warmest Color is so raw, organic, personal and fresh.

Some would see this as a crude lesbian sex film but if you've more depth, you'd see this beyond just that.

Not only I am a naturally curious being, I see myself as bi-curious too. And this movie sorta puts a lot of things into perspective for me. It is of course, very much possible to love a girl or any gender if you see humans as individuals instead of male and female. Though loving a man is entirely different, loving a woman goes on a totally different level. Not that I know but I believe they both offer different kind of experience, bond, security, emotional support and love. 

Surprisingly, I didn't cry. I'm usually quite a baby when it comes to movie like this. Many reviewed it to be triggering certain emotional wires but I didn't feel as much as I thought I would. I might just be almost emotionally crippled by now. 

It's comforting to learn through this movie that it's perfectly okay and possible to always have a weak spot for someone who you no longer see in that romantic way anymore. It's also alright to always have some sort of attachment towards someone in a neither platonic or romantic way. It's just an unexplainable state of neither here nor there.

I admire the character Emma. I had been there. I had loved someone with all. And like Emma, I was betrayed. At the same time, I could also relate to the character Adele. Being so madly in love for the very first time and terrified of being not good enough for the partner. The self-inflicting stress to match up and have your partner feel proud of you was never easy to eliminate. The more you loved, the bigger the fear became and that wasn't a good combination to begin with.

For those who've loved before, you'd understand: 

When you first loved, you were so eager. You were so eager to give though you had no idea how things might pan out, how to behave and how not to in the presence of another. You loved the other as if you were an avalanche. So intense, so overwhelming, so forthcoming, so messy. I think despite the fear, we should all love as if it's our very first. 

I will always love movie like this; reminding me I've once experienced and known love. Even if I can't feel it anymore, it was real and it happened not too long ago.

Love has no gender. Take whoever loves you.
Whatever makes you happy. Who cares? 
True love. Even if we have to die tomorrow, who cares?