FUNNY HOW MOOD CHANGES SO FAST

Goodnight. Tomorrow better be good.

BORING

This hiatus is making both me and my blog boring. I've nothing interesting to share :-(

Tomorrow, I'll be meeting my old friends to catch up and have some fun! It's been a while. 

And, I'm gonna dress up, look pretty, and take loads of pictures again!!!!

So, look forward to that!

WORK

I am having my break this week; haven't been going castings and I'm happy. The only job I took up this week was RunwayBandit's. I just have to stay clear from makeup for awhile. The skin allergy caused a lot of breakouts and they obviously not gonna go away so soon. Probably in a month's time? Damn it.

It's true that it's not all glitz and glamour. If you've sensitive skin like me, you'd be wary about every job. What makeup products will the makeup artist be using? Is the brush clean? Will I have breakout after that? Will it aggravate my skin? I've been thinking about it, and I should have a talk with my agency soon. About how unhappy I am, how I am bored, how I want to do something else for awhile for a change and that I promise I'll be back when my braces come off. Just give me a break for awhile. I really wish I've the guts to travel alone; my own edition of Eat, Pray, Love but I'm too much a puss to do anything like that. God, please bless me with courage; 2 minutes insanity is all I need.

So, this year's FSO ... phew. I pulled through!!!!!!!!!!! Last year, I didn't manage to put up a good show because of the long distance, the tight and high heels, and maybe weak body but I did this year!!!!!! Ion to Paragon and back to Ion!!! It's definitely more than 1.2km there; runway that long. Damn.

Thank God call-time for this year's was so much later than before, 2pm. Hell yeah. I was really lucky. I could use some more rest. It was a really really long day. I admired those who were there since morning, as early as 7 or 8AM.

Walked for Robinsons this year.

Makeup done by Julyen. Always always very pleased with his work.

While heading over to Shunji Matsuo to get our hair done, Adler and I chased after this Storm Trooper for a picture. Not a fan, totally just for fun. I had to ask around for the name of this "robot". 

After hair and makeup. Yes, curls.

10 years older. We all thought our hair was terrible till we saw Adler's..... HAHAHAAHAH

HOLYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

SO CUTEEEEEEEE OMG HAHAHAHAHA. EVERYONE WAS JUST STARING AT ADLER THE WHOLE TIME. I'M SO GLAD HE'S SPORTING ENOUGH TO HAVE PEOPLE LAUGHING AT HIM AND NOT BE MAD ABOUT IT. Kudos.

This year is definitely my best FSO ever :')

YAY

So thankful for all the friends who texted to check on me, and those who were psychically there breathing down my neck making sure that I eat, drink, sit, rest, just to be well enough for the show. Love each and every of you guys. 

WHAT'S THE LIMIT?

xx

Edited at 10:08PM:

O M G I JUST GOT MY SINGAPOREAN CITIZENSHIP!!!

*do a mini dance & shake bum*

Should I party tonight....

Ok bye hehe.

NO SORRYS

Please don't tell me that you're sorry for me because I'm honestly okay with the way it is right now and it is important for you to know that I am fine and I do not need your sympathy. C'mon, I'm still young.

So, no sorrys please.

I DON'T GET IT, DO YOU?

“There were no sex classes. No friendship classes. No classes on how to navigate a bureaucracy, build an organization, raise money, create a database, buy a house, love a child, spot a scam, talk someone out of suicide, or figure out what was important to me. Not knowing how to do these things is what messes people up in life, not whether they know algebra or can analyze literature.”

—	William Upski Wimsatt

There are so many things I don't get these days, which should have been addressed in school so we don't have to mess up our minds now cracking for some ambiguous answers. In school, there's a definite answer to most questions, sucks how life isn't the same.

Why do we complicate things so much these days? Why does it seem like the more educated we are, the more devious we get, the more selfish we become, the more we try to hurt...? Why is it back in those days morale values seem to hold much more importance than today.

Girls, whatever happened to falling in love genuinely and not for materialistic values? Why do we swoon over guys who drive, guys who splurge, guys who live in landed property? Why is everything now about dollars and cents? Soon, the phrase 'money can't buy happiness' would no longer be valid to our kids, cause honestly we are much happier wealthy. We all need financial security. Hence, many are pursuing their happiness which seems to be in monetary value. But the debate here, it's the ways we use to achieve success? (insert Malaysian Voting Blackout as exemplary example)

People in love today. What is love to you? Are you just lonely? Or is your heart truly big enough to love someone more than yourself? I've just read an article about how we should never get into a relationship waiting to feel complete but having someone to share an experience; to start a new journey together. The way I say it might not make sense, but the snippet is below, you can see it later. I've accepted the fact that love is will never be 50:50 but why is that majority get into relationship thinking they are going to receive more than they give? Why are we selfish? Why are we turning ugly? Or is this my biased view? Am I turning into one of those I-hate-the-world peeps?

To survive such a heartbreaking society, many see the need to toughen themselves up with walls higher than Berlin's. Everyone has their own form of defense mechanism. Some in form of speech, some in silence. Some in form of gestures, some in retaliation. Some put on masks, some in denial. I... for one, like to push people away when I'm afraid, I only like to be confronted when I'm ready. I like to pretend I don't care even if I care too much. I feel safe ignoring feelings I should confront. In a way or another, we are all puss isn't it haha?

And, is it just me or things are being taken more lightly these days? I'm just gonna go straight to fidelity.  My friend, a close friend of mine, saw his good friend's husband hanky panky with some other girl in the club. Someone please enlighten me cause I don't fucking get it. I don't understand the need to sleep around. Like, are you deprived or something? You took your vows, why does it seem like it's nothing? Vows are vows. Huge thing! I feel like I don't live in the same world as those people. Really.

I know sex and orgasms are good, but to me, investing in a relationship is much more valuable than meaningless sex. Those happiness are not long-term, just so you know. Going to club, seeing girls throwing themselves at guys these day is really a sight I wish to erase "Hey hey, keep some class will ya" You girls are beautiful, make them crave for you, why sell yourself cheap just cause some dumb ass once broke your heart? I wish I can make a change in the way people think. I wish I've bigger heart to love the broken ones.

Why are we so screwed?

Ok, I'm done ranting.

SHE'S MY PRINCESS

I got so emotional.
I want my William too.

COULD BE

Impurities

“You didn’t love her. You just didn’t want to be alone. Or maybe, maybe she was good for your ego. Or maybe she made you feel better about your miserable life, but you didn’t love her, because you don’t destroy the person that you love.”

—	Callie Torres, ‘The Heart of the Matter’

ANOTHER BIT OF UPDATE

1. PopTart

Supposedly my very first PopTart, but I didn't enjoy it as much as expected.

Nonetheless, I enjoy the company more than anything else.

It's true that sometimes I want to admit that I've passed the phase and I want to do something very different at night yet, by acknowledge the change in interest seems to be acknowledging the increase in age at the very same time, isn't it? And in Singapore, what else can you do at night? Someone, someone needs to do something about this soon. It's a potential crisis in time to come! 

2. Random Selca

3. Impromptu Catch Up

Thank you for the amazing meal and great time!

So glad you're feeling better now. I'm glad that you're one of the very few people who'd fight for what you truly one. I guess, that's when you'll get what you really want, isn't it? 

4. Something On My To-Do-List

Looks delish enough, yum.

Lemme know if any of you are adventurous to prepare this!!!

I'll share if I'm going to!

OK. That's all.

MOVIE #5: BACHELORETTE

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"Men in need to feel powerful" here refers to the need of them overpowering females sexually.

Is this true? To a certain extent, I think so.... how sick.

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When I wake up, I know I'm gonna be the man who wakes up next to you
If I get drunk, I know I'm gonna be the man who gets drunk next to you
When I'm working, I know I'm gonna be the man who's working hard for you
And when the money comes in for the work, I'll do, I'll pass almost every penny on to you

Song-writer, you truly had me at your so-so-sweet lyrics.

HONESTLY, I JUST WANT TO HIDE

Do you get it?

This week's been quite a madness since Feb, my unofficial graduation, I haven't been doing much. To be honest, I am glad that I'm doing nothing, that's because I felt like I've been doing so much studying for the past 21 years; I kinda just wanna slow down and think what I really want for  myself.

I've a feeling that my uni applications didn't go through, which is also good cause I'm really not that prepared for them anyway. The course that I applied for, I didn't feel that much for it now: Sociology. So many people been scaring me about it that I went, "Really? That bad?" So yeah, gonna recollect my thoughts and see what goes now.

If uni is not gonna happen this year, I'm gonna try full-time modeling. In 2 months' time, my braces is coming off so the time and the plan will fall in pretty nicely (hopefully, fingers crossed). Reason why I'm pursuing modeling not because I'm thaaaaaaaat into it but because I need something/a reason to conquer my fear for traveling alone.

With modeling as an excuse to live somewhere foreign for 2-3 months, I will be able to grasp and gauge if I can survive on my own and see how I cope with homesick. Then, with that, I can judge if I'm up for studying abroad for 2-3 years. Right? Yes, I kinda need this affirmation before I apply for overseas university.

Ok, as I was saying, I've been busy. That's because May is Singapore's fashion season. There will be a lot of upcoming shows, so there've been lots of castings recently. Madness! It's been just work work work all week. Maybe, because I haven't been that involved in modeling, the sudden comeback kinda threw me off guard. So, today I gave myself a day off and skipped the casting haha. It's a pretty huge client. What a sin right! But I realized I've kinda neglected my health recently and my body's been giving me signs as if it's gonna give way pretty soon, so I need to do something about it.


1. Giddy Spells Bring No Good

Again, I hate to bring this up but I just had my second encounter yesterday. I guess if I were having my menses, I can say it's pretty normal due to the cramps... otherwise, it's not okay for such to happen at all. So, yesterday in the midst of the shoot, I literally blacked out. Because it's such a different experience this time, I was pretty taken aback. There's something wrong with my body, isn't it?

When I was woken up by the client, it felt like I woke up from a short deep sleep. I was so comfortable, felt like I woke up from a dream! It was when I looked at my attire, I realized I was still in the midst of the shoot and yes, I did pass out.

What's the cause of this second encounter? I could roughly guess by piecing the similarities in occurrence from the previous together with yesterday's, but why are the other girls okay?

I'm such a weakling.
I want to hide. I want to recuperate. I want to readjust my body.



2. Skin Allergy Be Gone Please

For whatever reason, it seems like I'm having a pretty bad skin allergy now. The allergy is causing a very bad skin reaction (obviously); I'm having a lot of breakouts. I know this might sound attention-seeking, but I feel so ugly right now. Sigh, girls... I know. But, I honestly don't even feel like going anywhere. I just want to be make-up free for a month, for my skin to be okay again. I'm too insecure to step out of house looking like that now. So, I was thinking maybe I should stop working for awhile and make Saturday my last show till I get better; my body and my complexion.

I need to hide. The world has enough ugly things.



So I've been spending my entire day in bed, resting /pretty blissful

I want to feel okay and beautiful again soon.