Warning: This is definitely not one of those soppy entries on relationship, if you're expecting one. This is something entirely different because we can't just sit around and mope all day.
I know it's not Mother's Day but why is it that we only dedicate entries to moms on Mother's Day when they dedicate almost their entire life to us?
Few nights back, I came in touch with someone I haven't reached out to in awhile. Someone whom I have always watched over from afar because we were never close to begin with. Yet, I still care because I've always seen her as a little sister. She's 3 to 4 years younger than me. She once confided in me about something very personal and ever since I find it in me to naturally look out for her. That night was one of those random nights I happen to think of friends whom I haven't contacted in a while and she happened to cross my mind.
Looking at her now, how she's growing up and all, becoming someone so different yet recognizable, kinda kills me a little inside for I realized if it's so hard for me to watch someone unrelated to me change/grow, it must be heart-wrenching for mothers to watch their baby girls slipping away, becoming "someone else"; from the way they dress, to sudden interest in makeup, to the way they converse in 'hip' lingo, to the way they carry themselves to try to fit seamlessly into the society, meeting society's harsh expectations etc.
That age where curiousity is at its peak, teenagers/pre-young-adults would do anything to feel belong and powerful. That age where self-exploration is most crucial, to battle all the noise and discover who we truly are. And in the midst of finding ourselves, we unknowingly tend to do things we wish we haven't done, things we are not proud of today. Don't you dare me tell me you're not guilty of those? For I definitely am guilty of committing cliches a pre-blossomed young adult would, something as simple as going into unnecessary argument with parents?
My mom, I don't know how she does it but she always has complete trust in me even till today. She has never doubted the things I do or decisions I made. I love how she gives me enough space to explore, be myself, and to breathe. It's great to have privileges like being able to dress the way I want since young and not having someone over-controlling my freedom and go wherever I want with no worries for curfew even when I was 16....!!! How awesome was that? Please don't get a wrong idea of my mom, it's not that she doesn't care, it's just that she somehow... understands.
She knew deep down, advices will not accelerate a child's growth but experiences will. So, she braced herself and prepared to let me get all bruised up so that I would learn to be a better person. And, I did. We are mostly stubborn people, since when we ever listen to advices? If we all did, our lives would probably be easier and also.... mundane and boring. We would all be robotic. We wouldn't have stories to tell our kids because everything would be do this, do that, yes to this, yes to that. We tend to overestimate what we can do and always underestimate what an advice can do. So I've always found it very wise of my mom to handle me this way. Each time I'm bruised, I'd be running back into her arms like a 5 year-old baby girl. There she will always be, ready to nurse me.
Sometimes I am aware of the way I dress can be a tad revealing, but I am not bothered by it cause I like it. My granny and aunt would usually find it disturbing that sometimes my top is slightly sheer etc. but I'm really proud of my mom in this aspect... she's totally cool with it, she would ignore the pressure from my granny/aunt. Y'know how some parents find it necessary to scold their kids because of the pressure from relatives? My mom doesn't succumb. I realize I'm praising her a lot, but she deserves every single bit of this and I honestly wish I could be like her to my children.
Stepping out of myself and trying to see myself from another perspective: what if I were a mom to myself? I honestly don't think I'd be able to handle myself like how my mom handled me. Now that I think of it, for someone who clubs, I might even flip at the thought of my daughter going to Zouk. Irony.... I know. I'd be so so darn worried since I know how douche guys can be these days in clubs! The fact that I could worry this much for my non-existent daughter, I wonder what kind of battles goes through my mom's head?
She's hella strong woman. I truly applaud her.
She knew deep down, advices will not accelerate a child's growth but experiences will. So, she braced herself and prepared to let me get all bruised up so that I would learn to be a better person. And, I did. We are mostly stubborn people, since when we ever listen to advices? If we all did, our lives would probably be easier and also.... mundane and boring. We would all be robotic. We wouldn't have stories to tell our kids because everything would be do this, do that, yes to this, yes to that. We tend to overestimate what we can do and always underestimate what an advice can do. So I've always found it very wise of my mom to handle me this way. Each time I'm bruised, I'd be running back into her arms like a 5 year-old baby girl. There she will always be, ready to nurse me.
Sometimes I am aware of the way I dress can be a tad revealing, but I am not bothered by it cause I like it. My granny and aunt would usually find it disturbing that sometimes my top is slightly sheer etc. but I'm really proud of my mom in this aspect... she's totally cool with it, she would ignore the pressure from my granny/aunt. Y'know how some parents find it necessary to scold their kids because of the pressure from relatives? My mom doesn't succumb. I realize I'm praising her a lot, but she deserves every single bit of this and I honestly wish I could be like her to my children.
Stepping out of myself and trying to see myself from another perspective: what if I were a mom to myself? I honestly don't think I'd be able to handle myself like how my mom handled me. Now that I think of it, for someone who clubs, I might even flip at the thought of my daughter going to Zouk. Irony.... I know. I'd be so so darn worried since I know how douche guys can be these days in clubs! The fact that I could worry this much for my non-existent daughter, I wonder what kind of battles goes through my mom's head?
She's hella strong woman. I truly applaud her.
Goodnight.
Wow this is such a meaningful post :')getting teary eyed just by reading this!! your mom must be proud.
ReplyDeleteShe wouldn't know any of this cause it's not in us to be expressive and affectionate that way. We just show love differently. Asians.... hahahaha
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