GROWING UP IS TROUBLESOME

I've been looking at universities. I'm still hesitating if degree is really what I want or need. What is that that I really want? Out of this whole thing? Or maybe even, out of life? And what am I gonna do about modeling? Am I gonna take a year off to do full time modeling or should I just go into degree first? And if degree, what course should I take? Or what will benefit me? I don't wanna study something that won't be of help in future. E.g: Why we study Algebra or even Trigo? And another big question: Of all the universities in the world, which one is suitable for me? Local? Overseas? 

So many questions for me think about!!! And not even one is answered.

Local vs. Overseas.

I am actually skewing towards the overseas side. 

To complete a degree would take approximately 3-4 years, depending on the course. And in this 3-4 years, Jerm how? I know it is absolutely silly and stupid to be worrying about Jerm right now, but I am stupid and I am worried... so how. Do I just leave things here and go, and come back once a year and think that things will be alright the way they are? How does this studying overseas thing work? I asked around but I've yet to get the answer I really want or maybe wanna hear, and it's kinda frustrating. 

You might then think, why not local uni right? 

Well, that's because I wanna challenge myself and be independent. Do myself on my own for myself. I want to use degree as THE REASON to head out and live abroad, learn to be independent and be more mature etc. Otherwise, I'd chicken out and try to stay in SG for as long as I can. Studying here equivalent to being under mom and family's care and sheltered by everything I am more than familiar of. By studying abroad, I will be able to meet new people, widen my network, and learn more than I can ever learn here (I think, I hope). I will experience a different education system, I will experience different culture and will lead a different lifestyle, but I will not change my boyfriend. I really hope not.... It's gonna be real tough cause honestly I don't foresee myself to be good with long distance relationships and Skype is amazing but it's not gonna help. I'm weak. 

And, do I really want a degree? Err, no.

I don't want a degree, because I was told by many that I don't need a degree to work in advertising agency. All I want is the uni experience. Plus, I don't wanna jump into work so soon. I am gonna work my entire life anyway, so why the hurry? Degree would be a good reason to escape from work for awhile. Besides all that selfish reasons, my family especially my grandma would love to see me graduate from Uni so I really wanna do that and make her proud. She's illiterate so from there, you can probably guess how much she's suffered and wants the very best in education for everyone else.

So then, next question is where? Which uni? The world is huge. 

I believe there will definitely be good universities in each country, even those not-famous-but-honestly-good uni. I don't mind those. There are so so so so SO many to look, too many to compare. 

UK? US? Australia? DAMN IT. How to compare?! Where do I start? Compare based on what? The awards the school clinched? Well, that actually doesn't say a lot to me.... And, what do I do from here? 

I've too many questions I can't even answer myself.

"I don't know. I've no idea."

I'm such a lost child.

Maybe I will know what I want after lunch.

Okay bye, eat well guys.