PREPARATION

Guess what? It's raining again. How irksome.

I spent my Saturday afternoon/evening cleaning my room. Unbelievable right? Yeah, but I did. Well, that's because I had to! It's Chinese New Year! Not that I am excited about it, but I have to please my mom. Haha. Haven't been feeling the spirit of CNY since long long ago. I wonder how am I gonna keep it up for my children in future.

I guess things changed when my grandpa's no longer around. He used to be the lively one to get everyone together into the Chinese New Year mood, blasting the New Year's songs so loud that neighbours could hear and would join in to sing. He was the enthusiastic one. He was the one who kept us all together. Now that he is no longer around, I guess there is no reason for my relatives to travel all the way here to Singapore anymore. 

I remember how my CNY celebrations used to be really happening when I was 5 or 6. I lived in Teluk Intan, Perak then (my hometown). I love it there. It is cheap to get a house in Malaysia. So my grandparents had a really huge bungalow. They've 8 children in total; 4 aunts and 3 uncles. There were enough rooms for each family. It is THAT huge. And everyone would live there for a few days during CNY week. We would all sit down together at this HUGE and LOOOOOONG dining table for reunion dinner. It's truly an amazing feeling and moment that I wish I could relive. You guys will never understand, it was brilliant. I miss my grandpa now.

The reason why things've changed is probably because of the lame Chinese tradition: to not have any form of celebrations for 3 years because it's inauspicious or something since you guys are mourning for someone's death. So that gap we had for that 3 years kinda kills all the festive spirits we ever had. So, it feels really weird now. Idk if y'all been through or get what I'm saying about the 3 years thing, but it bothers me big time.

Anyway, I think I've ranted enough. I'm gonna go watch movies while wait for the rain to stop. I'm the biggest pirate ever. I've torrented so many movies ytd!!! Hahaha. But, who cares. Seriously.

Can't wait to get a pet with J.

Yes, I know he is not right and that he is probably bad. I know I got hurt before. But, what you can't see is that he is trying now. He is making an effort. And I really appreciate that. So what if he is putting up a show just to please me? At least, it looks believable enough. Call me dumb. Call me stupid. And I know I might get broken again. But, at least I'd die knowing that I tried. I'd given all the chances I could. What about you? Have you? Did you? I'm just ... living life.

Like what they always say, "while waiting for the right one, why not have fun with the wrong ones."